Okay, let’s get the typical/trite interview question out of the way and over with.  How did this band get started?

Rotting Out was formed after our first band, Dogpile, broke up. Dogpile was around for about 6 months and I quit for personal reasons. The dudes continued jamming and writing new stuff. A few months later they asked me if I wanted to be in their new band. I had my shit together by that time so I jumped back in.

The Vandalized 7″ dropped a couple of months ago if I remember correctly,  What was your general approach to this record compared to the This Is Just a Life 7″?

To be honest, there was no real plan and you can hear it. If you listen to the record, the songs do not really fit together. I think back to when we were writing and we spent more time playing shows and touring when we should have worked on the songs. Oh well, live and learn.

The “This Is Just A Life” 7″ contained a song called “Kobe Bryant Lifestyle”.  I was disappointed to read the lyric sheet to find out that there is not one reference to sexual assault or being the most over-hyped player in the NBA.  What gives?

This song was named by our former bass player. I think he was making a joke at practice and made a reference to Kobe Bryant. I didn’t have a name for that song and I thought it would be tongue in cheek to name the song after him seeing how he always has problems. The song is actually about my own finacial problems and credit card debt.

Rotting Out recently started selling their own signature condoms.  How did this idea come about? Do you feel that your creating awareness of practicing safe sex in the hardcore scene is comparable to what TLC was doing in the early 90′s? What are the possibilities of seeing Rotting Out dental dams in the near future?

The idea was actually not ours, but someone on the world wide web suggesting we make them and me thinking it was a good idea. I did some research and found a place to make custom ones. It really started as a joke and something to pass out at Sound and Fury. I am not going to say our intention was to promote safe sex as a band, but I do believe in having safe sex. Lisa Lopez still holds a special place in my heart and I wish she was still around so I could swoop in.

What are the pro’s and con’s of living in Southern California? Also, Del Taco:  Yay or Nay?

I am from the North East, so I am a true judge I think.

Pros: The weather, because it is always a good day. The scene, because kids out here seem to care more. They respect the venues and each other a lot more in my opinion. The girls, I mean, who doesn’t like a Cali girl??

Cons: Traffic, Gangs, the layout of the city, public transportation.

Del Taco: Yay only because they have fries. Taco Bell is better though.

The artwork on the Vandalized 7″ is pretty sick.  With that imagery in mind, please discuss your most memorable run-in with law enforcement..

Thanks, our friend Ryan Eyestone drew it. My favorite run in with the law was when we were on tour in Texas. We were pulled over by border patrol, but I understand why, I mean, we had two brown people driving a beat to shit van with tinted windows. The cops had us pile out of the van while they had a German Sheppard dig through all of our stuff. The cops kept on telling us to just tell them we had drugs because it would be better to tell them then have the dog find it. We were all shitting our pants because we have one illegal immigrant in the band and one with a green card. The dog didn’t find anything, luckily, and they let us go. We climbed back into the van to see all of our bags destroyed from the dog. Stupid fucking pigs.

At a recent house show that your band played, a very large hole was put into a wall that could probably fit one Mark Porter.  How does it feel knowing your band’s music incites destruction of private property?

That show was nuts. Swamp Thing and Naysayer both played and killed it. We had pretty much played the whole set and were going to play one more song which was a cover by Minor Threat. During the song I noticed a ton of white shit all over the place and I saw it was on me too. I then notice the huge hole in the wall and people singing along to the cover from outside. The hole is now fixed and shows are back on!

The city of Los Angeles: What’s worse, all of the transplants that moved to the area in the hopes of being successful or the traffic?

All the assholes that moved here, including me. I work in the movie industry doing repairs on camera gear. Its awesome work but I have to deal with a lot of shitty people.

Finish This sentence, “If heaven is a meal it is…”

…an empty plate because heaven does not exist.

California is being referred to by some as the sleeping giant in hardcore as of late in the sense that so many incredible bands are coming out of the state but California hardcore in itself is not getting the proper credit it deserves by others.  Agree or disagree?

I think there are a lot of great bands coming out of California right now and I think there are a lot of other great bands all around the US too. I could really care less which city has the best bands or scene. Everyone can fight for their own city until they are red in the face. What I am starting to see is that cities are getting their own style again. For a while, all bands sounded the same to me. I can now listen to a new band and hear what city they are from. I think that is awesome.

If there is one thing that collective pisses off Rotting Out it’s……

Laziness

What does the future hold for Rotting Out?

Tour with Downpresser, Creatures and Expire in March/April, Full US tour in May/June, New LP this summer and Europe in August/September.

Any last words/final thoughts/shout outs?

If someone gives you shit, give it right back. Check out: Expire (WI), On Point (CA, orange county) and White Wards (WA). THANK YOU

Listen here.

Consume goods here.

Kill time at work here.

Elsa! What’s going on? How’s life?

Life is great- just moved to a cool new city (Portland, OR) and told the man to eat it- I’m my own boss and plan on being very good to myself.

Formerly a Florida resident, now residing in the bronx (brooklyn).  How has the change in environment been? Also, what’s it like to now experience a real butt fucking cold winter?

It was a tough change in the beginning, but I moved in the summer so I had a bit of time to get prepared. I don’t think an NYC winter counts, it’s usually warmer than the rest of the state. I went to St. Cloud, MN in December, and THAT was a panty-freezing experience.

As mentioned before, being from Florida, what was worse in your opinion, all the old people or the over abundance of white trash?

Your forgetting a key demographic, the seagulls- those are worse than everything else combined. Beach rats with wings and a never ending appetite for your chips.

You’re a graphic designer and at 25 have already contributed to a lot of cool shit and also have quite a few awards under your belt.  That being said, what influences your work?

design/art/music/people that are light-hearted and keep things simple.

You graduated from the highly credited art and design school Ringling.  Real talk, what was the one thing that pissed you off about most of the kids in your field?

the ones that took themselves too seriously- it’s just design, we’re not saving lives here.

Scenario Time:  You are forced to quit your job and start a new one. The catch:  it’s a job where you can’t have any creative input whatsoever.  What job would you be content with having and why?

Probably being a line cook since I love chopping things mindlessly- or maybe something involving computer repair, cause I need a good reason to start wearing dream catcher t-shirts.

You have family originally from Colombia and have been able to visit the country a few times.  What is the culture like over there and how does it contrast from American society? Also, what can you tell me about drug cartels..

It’s pretty much just like you see in the movies, lots of guys in white linen, coke production, coffee, machetes and machine guns. But that’s just my family, I can’t speak for everyone else in the country.

Do you think you’ll ever see the day when Soccer catches on in America and becomes like a religion like in most other countries?

Are you trying to piss me off? Not even having a world cup here or the fact that the US beat Spain, the highest ranked team in the world right now have helped, so I don’t see what will. Maybe adding time outs, play challenges and cheerleaders would do it- that and some bud light.

Insult me in Spanish and don’t hold back.  GO!

come mierda hijo de rata cara de mono gringo pinche!

Finish this sentence, “If there’s one thing that will always make me laugh its….”

dead pope jokes.

Top five movies people need to see at some point in their life.  GO!

the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy
amores perros
wall e
the empire strikes back
the life aquatic

 What records have been in regular rotation for you as of late?

grizzly bear – Veckatimest
fleet foxes- self titled

Finish this sentence, “One night I was so drunk that I….”

fell asleep at 5pm. I am so lame.

Any last words/final thoughts/shout outs?

thanks for the honor of being your interviewee, it’s a dream come true.

Burke! What’s going on man? How’s life?

Life is going pretty great.
I just moved in to an awesome new house on University in Peoria with the ever-cynical Nate Lucas. I’ve been stoked on the fact that I can now go without a car/car payment/gas payment and take the bus to an awesome job. A job that I am (technically) under qualified and overpaid to do. All those things, coupled with a healthy amount of visits to local and regional strip clubs make me one happy camper.

You were living in Minneapolis for a while if I remember correctly.  How was that?

Living in Minneapolis was an amazing life experience. Being fortunate enough to have been to many different major cities through out the US, I can safely say that it is by far my favorite. It’s not too big, but it’s also definitely not too small. So there’s never a lack of exciting things to do. And you can still feel like you don’t miss out on anything. Getting to work at the Mall of America and being a night security guard at the Metro Dome where the Vikings and Twins play were also huge bonuses to living in the Twin Cities. I met so many great people from that area, and genuinely feel like it’s a second home for me.

Most Peoria kids know you as the dude who sang for Declaim.  Talk about how the band formed and your whole experience looking back on it now.  Any highlights?

Historians refer to the brief period in Peoria music history between November of 2002 and July of 2004 as the “Declaim-Days”. I’m not saying this out of arrogance, it’s just pure fact. Look it up in any Encyclopedia Britannica. In all seriousness though, I had known Ty through the goings-ons at several local shows. We shared a common interest in the activity know as “mish-mashing” (I think that’s what kids refer to as “moshing” these days. Am I right?). And when he informed me that he and the Morton dudes he was jamming with required the services of a professional “rock singer”; I gladly obliged. It was around this time, or shortly after, that we developed a fondness for a form of musical tempo known as the “beat down” or “breakdown”. This musical beat coupled with the “mash-mishing” encapsulated our teenage angst and fueled our band for years to come. Many Central Illinois youth identified with the “mooosh-meeash” and soon a following was built. One main highlight was getting to be a part of something that many people seemed to so thoroughly enjoy. Seeing the guys in Eighteen Visions standing on chairs in the back of the East Peoria Legion, watching on as 400 kids beat the piss out of each other/themselves to the headlining “local band” was also a very proud moment for me. Just the idea of knowing I may have caught the eye of a one, James Hart, got my dick hard.

After Declaim you found yourself doing vocals for With Dead Hands Rising.  How did that come about and what do you think of that musical endeavor in hindsight? Also, what was it like to play the final Hellfest with that band?

I can attribute the whole WDHR opportunity to the people I met, and made impressions on throughout my time in Declaim. We had the chance to play with Dead Hands once but I didn’t know them personally. I did however, have several mutual friends and references. Knowing, playing, and booking shows with the likes of Foreknown, Too Pure, and Nehemiah (other Minnesota bands at the time) definitely helped my chances.
All the guys I got to play with throughout my time in WDHR were extremely talented and I always almost felt as if I wasn’t good enough to be playing in such a sweet fucking band. Playing shows with other bands I really enjoyed and looked up to, and hearing them tell me how much they enjoyed our stuff was always very flattering.
Hellfest was surreal. Just a year before I was watching the 2002 Hellfest DVD thinking how amazing it would be just to go, let alone play. And then when we got there and checked in to get our laminates I felt like a kid running into an amusement park. The first band I saw was Until the End, followed by Shattered Realm. Nothing beats watching 100′s of kids beating the fuck out of one another on an indoor soccer field. Other highlights included, my first backstage/VIP experience, complete with free pizza and drinks all weekend, seeing a Misfits roadie pay the guitar play of Forever Is Forgotten $20 to drink a full big bottle of salsa, riding in a hotel elevator with just me and Frank 3 Gun, and having him ask me if there were drug dogs in the hotel lobby, him reeking of weed, seeing the line of bloody hardcore kids to the medical room after Bad Luck 13 played, Rich Casey of Bury Your Dead in said line. All in all Hellfest was quite possibly the most memorable weekend of my life.

Confirm/Deny:  A certain member of Too Pure To Die offered to “pay you to be straight edge” if you sang for said band

This may be true. I can’t really remember if this was a serious proposition or not. But what I can, and will say, is that I did sing an entire tour with Too Pure in early 2007. And it was pretty fucking hilarious. I was scheduled to pull merch-duty for the 2 month tour. But a week into it, their fill-in vocalist Myke Terry (now of Bury Your Dead) ended up having to go home. Rather than scrap the whole tour (with Sworn Enemy, Kataklysm, As Blood Runs Black, and Suicide Silence) they decided to try the obvious quick fix, by throwing the able bodied merch guy on stage. It ended up working out really well. And touring with a straight edge band on a tour like that clearly has its advantages. Like the night in Seattle when the promoter handed me 30 drink tickets and said “Split these between your whole band”. Let’s just say that night ended with “pant less antics”.

Should more men embrace metrosexualness like you do? What clothing brands should sponsor you?

I like to think I’ve transcended the whole “metrosexual” style. Can’t I just be called a well dressed dude? Metro is just such a sexual word.
If I could obtain some sort of ALDO sponsorship, where I could get a lifetime supply of boots I think I could be pretty set. That or Diesel, I try to rock as much of that as the finances permit.

What is your favorite Peoria show memory?

As much as I’d like to give some badass answer about some crazy old show that no one even heard of and was too young to even hear about (too bad I’m not as old as old man Miah), I’m honestly going to have to say it’s a tie between every Madison Theater show I ever went to as a kid. The place was fucking amazing for multiple reasons. I got to see everyone from Linkin Park to Mudvayne to Six Feet Under to Hatebreed to Slayer to Death Threat to Taproot to Diecast, all in the complete debauchery that is the Madison.
To be more specific (and give my “Old-Man-Miah answer), I would have to say…. Back in 2002 Dead To Fall played some 21+ bar in Pekin with Provoke and Central Point Specimen. I was bummed I wouldn’t be attending being only 17 years old at the time. But I did what any resourceful kid would do and e-mailed the Dead To Fall band account. I got a response from the one and only Jon Hunt, who in turn gave me his number and told me to call him on the day of the show and he would sneak me in as a merch guy. At that show I met John from Provoke, Thom from Bled For Days, and Jake Belcher from Burlington. Several dudes that remained really cool throughout the years and ended up each helping Declaim in getting to play some awesome Iowa shows. All dudes that I still consider friends to this day.

You’re going to the club.  What tracks should the DJ be playing in order for you to get your grind on?

That’s easy. Anything by Lady GaGa is pretty much the perfect club and/or strip club music.

Describe your ideal woman…

A lady that is in no way involved in the type of music or scene that I’m involved in. It seems like nearly every chick that goes to shows or listens to metal has a little too much baggage for me. Maybe I’ve just been unlucky in the past. But really… I like the stereotypical blonde cheerleader, tiny body, big tits, nice ass, type woman. I’m attracted to fake bitches. That’s probably why I like strip clubs so much. Call me shallow… but I can’t deny what I desire. I like sluts… sluts rock.

Okay, Converge fan boy, list the band’s discography from best to worse release

For me (and not including reissues or comps of old stuff) it is…..
Jane Doe
Petitioning The Empty Sky
The Poacher Diaries
No Heros
When Forever Comes Crashing
You Fail Me

I’m not familiar enough with Caring and Killing to rank it (I never said I was the perfect Converge fan boy) and it’s hard to rank any of their albums for me, because I really do love them all. But that’s the order I’m feelin’ right now so if anyone disagrees, fuckin’ blow me.

You’ve done some serious time touring on the road.  Which bands do you have beef with.  Real talk.

There’s almost always that dudely stubborn “band-talk” at the beginning of every tour usually along the lines of “Meh… these guys are probably gonna be lame” or “This band kinda sucks”, but I can honestly say we have never toured with a band we didn’t end up getting along with. Being on tour with other metal bands is always like a glorified summer camp experience. You get to just party and listen to metal every night for months on end. All the insecurities and judgments usually melt away with that first beer. I like to think that I’m overall a pretty easy going guy to be on tour with. Honestly, the biggest beef it seems like you really come across are the problems between your own band. The majority of knock-down drag-outs I’ve seen on the road have been between members of the same band. Living in a van together for such long periods of time clearly takes its toll. But if you want some dirt…There was this one time though we played with this band called Carnifex from California. If anyone is not familiar, they are a bonafide Suicide Silence rip off to a fucking T. Right down to the way they look, to their sound, to their stage presence. It’s fucking pitiful. How could you possibly take your own band seriously when you know that what you’re doing is blatant bite on a band that already exists. Not to mention these dudes have the audacity to print a t-shirt with their logo that says “TRUE FUCKING DEATH METAL” on the back. True death metal my ass. I don’t know one “True Death Metal” band with any “straight-edge” members. Okay… now that that’s off my chest. We played a few shows with these fags a few years ago, and their drummer was a total turd. We stayed at the same place they did after a show, and that asshole stole a couple slices of pizza from us. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but what the fuck. You never take another man’s pizza. Then the next night, this pussy was complaining about the venue being “too smokey”, and had the nerve to tell the promoter to put some fans on stage or “he wouldn’t play”. Carnifex… Fuckin’ bitches. All other bands we’ve toured or played with have been fucking cool as hell.

Coalesce vs. Disembodied:  Who wins?

This one is easy for me. Not only was I a late passenger on the whole Disembodied pain-train; but I’ve been a pretty devout Coalesce fan since I was about 16. I’ve tried to keep in touch with just about everything they’ve done musically and vinyl-wise since I first heard them. I also feel like their sound is a bit broader, in that it may be easier for someone with an outside perspective to appreciate. They’ve got the grove, the rock, and the downright chaotic heaviness. Disembodied is fucking sweet though, don’t get me wrong. But to me, they’re music feels a bit more specific to a certain type of person. Like the dude who really gets down on those bone crushing chugs laced with the “straight from hell” dissonance. So as you can see I appreciate both. But for me “The Lesce” takes the cake.

Finish this sentence….”The most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen was….”

I don’t feel like I can really answer this question, seeing as in your last interview Amy made mention of picking pill fragments out of fecal matter. I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen anything close to that in real life. The most disgusting things I’ve ever seen are all brutal pictures I find on the internet involving human excrement, dead bodies/animals, naked old people, people engaged in strange/disgusting sexual acts… you know… shit like that. Pictures that are all promptly saved to a folder on my computer labeled “Jerk-Off Material”.

Any last words/final thoughts/shout outs?

I’m going to use this time to publicly come out of the closet. And let everyone know that Chris Lopinto and I have been involved for the past year, secretly. I know what you’re all thinking too, and the answer is “YES!” (the sex is great). Although we haven’t been able to make love recently because Chris is still on the mend from his sphincter reconstruction surgery. Love you HoneyBear!

But in all seriousness…
I’m always down to go to the strip club. So if anyone ever wants to go, get at me.
Also, if any ladies are reading this that fit my “Ideal Woman” description, get at me.
I am fucking awesome. I will fight anyone.

Amy, what’s going on? How’s life?

Good to hear from you! Life is busy and ridiculous as always. Just got back to Michigan after two months spent in Vegas, DC, and working at an archaeology site in Illinois. I sold my summer for the good of the archaeological record. Next up is eastern Europe in August!

You are currently living in Michigan.  Tell me what Detroit is like.  Is it anywhere as near as cool as Robocop makes it out to be?

Detroit, like most of mid-Michigan, is a fucking wasteland. Imagine burned out shells of buildings (some left over from the race riots in the 1960s), abandoned factories, jittery prostitutes, random screams, wild dogs roaming about, urban farms (okay, this is kinda a cool phenomenon), and broken glass embedded in the sidewalks and you get an idea of what Detroit Rock City is like. My first experience with Detroit was in 2002 when I drove 11 hours from Iowa with my sister to see a show at the Magic Stick. We got T-boned in my shitty Plymouth Acclaim at 2AM in downtown Detroit and the manholes were steaming so much we couldn’t even see the car hit us. The last few times I went to the city with some friends, we snuck into an abandoned train station and a Shriner’s Temple. A trip to Detroit isn’t complete unless you’ve seen someone resisting arrest, broken into a deserted building, or been chased by a maniac. Sadly, I live in Lansing which is like a poor man’s Detroit. We’ve got the squats and the prostitutes and the random street fights outside our house, but it can’t compare to Murder City. So, ummm, to answer your question: I don’t know. I’ve never seen Robocop! I probably shouldn’t admit that.

Currently explain what you are studying at the moment and how it pertains to your involvement with dead people.  Let’s hear some cool stories.

I study bioarchaeology and forensic anthropology, which basically means I’m interested in the human skeleton and the ways in which the body responds to stress, trauma, disease, etc. I’m working on a couple research projects that involve decomposition rates and the effect of alcoholism on the skeleton, as well as a larger project tracing the migration of prehistoric peoples from Wisconsin to the central Illinois River valley using genetically linked traits like the shape and size of the skull and teeth. But on with the cool stories….well, today I spent six hours picking maggots and flesh off of a guy who sealed up his entire trailer with cement and turned the oven on to kill himself. He wasn’t found for two weeks, so he was pretty foul when the police got to him. I spent a long time slicing the skin and fingernails off his hands today. The last few forensic cases I’ve worked on have been pretty brutal homicides or suicides. One guy set himself on fire outside in his easy chair. I had to go through this huge pile of burned body parts to try to piece him back together. Another nasty case was a guy who shot himself in the face with an AK-47 and wasn’t found for a couple weeks. He also taped knives and a homemade bomb to his body. My job is essentially to process the body down to skeletal remains (i.e. cook it) and observe the skeleton for any signs of trauma or pathology that might help to make an identification. A couple years ago I came into the morgue one morning to find a woman who was stabbed to death on my street. That was weird. In conclusion, forensic science is gross and nothing like CSI or Bones. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had to go through dead people’s shit-filled intestines to recover pill fragments. Gil Grissom doesn’t do that shit!

Okay, grad school vs. undergrad.  Let’s hear the pro’s and con’s.

Well, this will be my fourth year in graduate school and I’m planning to be done with PhD in hand in the next three years. That will mean that I went to college for 12 years. That sucks. I generally fucked around for the first two years of undergrad and didn’t know what I wanted to study, so I skipped a lot of school and went on a lot of road trips. Why go to school when you can go to shows, right?! Getting into grad school was hard, I won’t lie. As usual, I’m getting verbose so I’ll try to sum it up here. Pro’s of undergrad: paying off loans seems light years away, free cable in the dorms, writing bullshit papers and getting away with it, gen ed credits like “Relaxation Techniques” (definitely took this at the U of Iowa). Pro’s of grad school: you can be self-indulgent and study whatever you want and people will generally respect you for it, getting paid to go to school, never paying tuition again, the power of giving grades instead of just receiving them! The con’s are pretty easy for grad school: academia is full of self-important assholes, anxiety attacks occur with frequency, and 500 pages of reading per week in one class. Con’s for undergrad? Ummm…none? I loved the irresponsibility and loan checks that came with undergrad.

Do you remember your first Peoria show? Who played?

Yes, I do! Very vividly. Well, my very first show was going to be the Red Aunts at the Legion in Washington but I got there too late and missed them. So my first real Peoria show was at Pizza Works and Bloody Mess and the Scabs played. It was 1997 I think. I went with a couple of friends from Morton High School and we were the only girls there. I was full on into my punk phase so I was wearing a Mom-disapproved Bad Religion shirt and a leopard print mini skirt and probably thinking I looked really awesome. I met a few people that night that stayed in my life in some way for years.

You had the privledge of booking some sweet shows in Peoria back in the day.  I do believe the first show you ever put on was Kill Your Idols in Morton.  On top of that, you also booked a Hatebreed gig in early 2000 -2001.  Explain that experience and your introduction to band riders

Indeed that was the first show I ever did. I printed up 100 fliers at Kinko’s and realized I fucked up the date or something. I spent a solid hour fixing them in my high school history class and the teacher pulled one out of my hand and went, “HARDCORE FROM NEW YORK? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??” Ahhh, MHS. He didn’t believe me that a band would come all the way from New York to play in Morton, Illinois and I kind of didn’t believe it either. About 75 people showed up for that show in 1999 at the Optimist Club and they only charged me $50 to rent the place! That’s now unheard of, I’m sure. That Hatebreed show came about in a strange way. Jamey emailed me from an AOL account and I remember his opening sentence was something like, “Hi, I play in a band called Hatebreed and we just finished a few dates with Slipknot…” I still have that email printed off in a box somewhere. That show was at some bullshit venue during Cornerstone week, so the turnout wasn’t too great. Hatebreed was touring in a bus and they all seemed kind of embarassed by it. Jamey kept apologizing for their rider which had shit like “deli tray” and “mini liquor bottles” on it. It was way awkward explaining to him that I couldn’t fulfill all the stuff on their rider because I was only 17 and couldn’t buy alcohol. Aaron from Death Threat was their roadie on that tour. I also couldn’t accompany them to Big Al’s after the show, haha. A few other bands tried to pull some rider shit on us later on and I learned to cross out everything but “water bottles” and fax it back with a big “let me know if you still want to play Peoria!!” in Sharpie. These were bands playing in 1999-2001, so come on. Nobody ever pulled out of a show due to an unfulfilled rider. Lesson learned: band riders are stupid.

Alright, explain the draw that dickhead band members have to feeling the need to converse with you and thus piss you off

Oh god…I’ve had some really annoying bands stay at my house(s) over the years. I guess I just fail to see why you would pick a fight with someone who is offering you food and a PLACE TO STAY!???! I think some people (who shall remain nameless) just don’t know when to shut the fuck up (myself included). And, of course, being female with a bunch of dudes staying over is/was always weird just because there’s still a lot of lame misogynists in hardcore unfortunately.

Dude, no lie…I cried at the opening credits straight through to the end of that thing. Samantha talked, I cried. Carrie typed, I cried. Charlotte complained, I cried. The whole plotline with Jennifer Hudson was beyond dumb, but in general I loved that movie. And I was so angry at Steve for cheating on Miranda! Okay, there I go. I know they’re not real people. I swear.

Hahaha, funny you say this. I recently had a screaming match with this guy who I’d been fighting on and off with for a month. We worked at an archaeology site together this summer and just butted heads over everything. He wrote a note about me anonymously and I happened to find it and went insane. I must be out of practice because all I could think of to do was to call him a “pussy” and “motherfucker” over and over. Then I threw my trowel in his general direction and stomped off. Later, the adult in me confronted him in a more calm and rational manner but I’m pretty sure everyone who witnessed this fight thinks I’m completely fucking nuts. Oh well!

Oh jesus…the 99-2000 Amy would definitely not understand why I’m still going to school. Also, I think the 99-2000 Amy would be disappointed in me for indulging in the pleasures of caffeinated beverages and cold medicine. What a hardline bitch.

Ok, I gotta give it to Degrassi. If only because I was convinced that was what high school was really gonna be like. Well, turns out a girl named Spike does NOT go to MHS. Those episodes stand the test of time, though. I am also very, very guilty of watching Degrassi the New Generation or whatever.

……I can’t do this! I grew up watching horror movies with my dad who supplied me with a constant flow of 50s-80s horror. My dad has the largest collection of 1950s horror movies I’ve ever seen, as well as a pretty decent collection of 80s campy horror. I can pick favorites based on series/franchise or theme or decade, but I’ll do my top 5 horror films based on pure nostalgia:

1) Sleepaway Camp series (first three only) – I love these. LOVE. I made Matt Johnson watch the first Sleepaway Camp on our first date followed by The Devil Bat starring Bela Lugosi. I rented these movies on VHS from a video store in Pekin countless times when I was growing up. My sister and I would get the series and make popcorn and recite these lines by heart. ANGELLLLAAAAAAA!!!

2) American Gothic – This was another movie that my dad and sister and I would watch over and over. This movie has some genuinely creepy elements. A couple years ago, Matt and I went on a Roadside America road trip and found a hillbilly “amusement park” in the mountains of Tennessee. The place was basically abandoned and there was blood all over the bathroom floor. I remember there being a fucked up swing just like the one in this movie. That place ruled, this movie rules. Rent this and go to Arda Lee’s Hidden Hollow in Tennessee.

3) Fortress – I wish this was on DVD. I have a crappy VHS copy that I paid too much for on Amazon. This one is a classic revenge story, but far creepier than Last House on the Left or anything like that. Little kids rage out and kill people. This one traumatized me.

4) Candyman – Who wasn’t scared of Cabrini Green?! My dad would sometimes run into my room and scream “CANDYMAN!!” five times into my mirror when I was little. Haha, nothing like scaring your kids shitless to make them grow up faster. I still watch this movie on the regular.

5) Demonic Toys – I thought this was pure cinematic gold when I first saw it. Years later, my sister found the actual toys on Ebay for sale. We considered signing up for a credit card just so we could buy them and I kind of wish I would have done that. This movie is so stupid and fun and has tons of great lines.

Hahaha, that was a pretty good one. The only one that comes to mind is from New Years Eve in the Quad Cities. We were out with the great Paul Hoeppner watching Seth’s cover band at some gross bar. Some middle-aged asshole came up to me and tried to lift up part of my dress to see my tattoos. I brushed him away and tried to ignore him and he drunkenly called me a bitch. Matt started screaming and gave him the double finger which made me start laughing. Drunk guy starts to take his shirt off and motion for Matt to come at him, though when Matt the Giant stood up the guy looked a bit upset. My friend Tom starts to yell, “Put your shit back on! Put it back on!” over and over while Matt is still going at this guy with the double finger. Pretty solid freak out, though I have to say his Converge rant was better. He also gets really upset about loud noises like a firetruck going by. If you ever want to piss Matt Johnson off, just get a loud bus to go by him like five or six times.

Thanks, Matt! These questions made me laugh. I miss you, friend!

Hey dude, what’s going on? How’s life going?

It’s going really well. I’m living with my girlfriend Caroline andDrew Hutchison in Pekin still. I have a sick job screen printing and doinggraphic design stuff. I’m in a couple bands I’m really excited about.Things are going well I suppose.

So I heard you’re going to be doing records with Organized Crime Records. How did that come about?

Well we sent Clint that first 7″ we put out last year and sent himthis record as well. We’ve been playing shows with Harms Way, Convicted, etcfor some time and that probably helped as well. Clint is an awesome guy.Organized Crime Records is awesome and I’m excited to do future Waster releases with them.

What is your favorite Peoria show memory (either a show> you played or attended)

Fuck man… I don’t know. There’s been alot of gnarly things. One of the better times was a couple years ago the first time Few and the Proud playedPeoria was one of the best sets I’ve ever seen a band play in Peoria. Therewere 110 kids in a room like 15 feet wide by 25 feet long and it was hella sick.As far as sheer stupidity, probably when Tom Crawford got punched in the face during the last Declaim set and Beef got way mad at him for bleeding. WTF? CJ came back into town recently and it was cool talking to him again.

Describe the Cornerstone experience to those who are smart enough not to go.

Dude. I went this year because I was working for my grandparents. Cornerstone is probably the worst place on this planet. Basically it’s a gigantic Christian music (mostly metalcore) festival where a bunch of fuckheads from across the country come totalk about HOWWWW happy they are to be in the fellowship of fellow fuckheads.This year was alright, I got wild sick and got thrown out my 2nd day there for cursing.Some kids threw a water balloon filled with pee at us and we ran after them and tackledthem and the security dudes got all hot and bothered. I don’t know man, it sucks. It’s fun to get stupid girls who are mudsliding there to slide face first through human shit,though.

Explain your fascination with the I-80 truck stop

Where else in the country can you buy a confederate flag katana, witty Jesus bumper stickers, an entire Walker Texas Ranger outfit, and attend a movie theater. Nowhere, thus making it the best place on Earth. Last time I was there was after the last Modern Life is War show.

What was the better band to experience in Peoria: Ted Nugent or 25 Ta Life?

Ted Nugent. Definitely. 25 Ta Life was just David O’Shea and janky fucking Erik mushmouthing and cartwheeling around. Worst. When I saw Ted Nugent it was life changing. I was 12 or 13 and I had recently drank with a friend of mine forthe first time. I went to go see Ted Nugent and Kiss on the Kiss Farewell tour and nestled my way up to the front during The Nuge to score an awesome view during Kiss. During Ted Nugent’s set he goes “HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE HIGH TONIGHT!!!!!???” and the crowd of 45 year old women and Caterpillar dads erupted. Then the Nuge really stuck it to them “FUCK THAT MAN. IM SO AND SO YEARS OLD AND IM DRUG FREE, IM HIGH ON LIFE!!!” then he shot a flaming arrow through his guitar. I knew then that I was never drinking or doing anything like that ever again. It is because of Ted Nugent that I am straightedge. Unfortunately Ted Nugent is a complte right-wing piece of shit. It’s unfortunate because the dude other than that is a total wild man.

So Fight Back: What was it like being in a band with supporters of the GOP?

Man. I don’t know. It was a highschool band, you know? I was just excited to play music with my friends. At my highschool Jake and Joe were the only other dudes who kind of liked good music. Jake, Joe, Kyle, and Zach are all really good people who I like alot. I’ve never agreed with their religious or political views and have always been confused as to how exactly a rational thinking person could consider themselves “conservative” or whatever.But yeah, I don’t really regret doing Fight Back or anything. It wasn’tgood or anything but whatever.

You used to rent out the Metamora Legion Hall. How many substances do you think the owner was on, honestly?

That one time that dude seemed super coked out or something. That was really the only time I ever met the guy. I was renting it out a couple weeks after that for this Faux Lament show and the guy just never showed up to open the place up.I broke into the place through the office window and we did the show totally guerilla style. On the way out I borrowed a keg of PBR and gave it to the touring band and we took like 4 24 packs of soda and a plate of brownies out of the kitchen. Haha. Fuck that place.

Favorite ISU Crew memory….GO!

There are literally too many. For some reason the first that came to mind was this really obscure one. John Marshall was having this dude named Tony fromWisconsin living with him. According to Marshall he was being just the worst fucking room mate ever. Anyway Kevin Rendleman, John, maybe some other people were in Marshall’s room and heard Tony banging some girl. Marshall kicked inTony’s door and we all ran in and were messing with them. It was pretty funny because we were all having fun and then I looked over and John was just repeatedly full force punching Tony in the face.

One time a bunch of us wentover to Andy Dag’s apartment and completely fucked the place up for some reason.Like Shitface headbutted like 5 holes in the wall, I shit on the floor, Turtle andI pissed all over the hall and then Marshall pulled the fire alarm and the cops showed up for no reason.Oh fuck, and one night Cody, Carlos, Turtle, myself and my dude Kyle Walker were walking around and Kyle was on some bet with this dude that he couldn’t finish a 30 packor Milwaukee’s Best by himself. Cody had bought like 2 dozen eggs that we were throwing at people and Kyle was in rare form. For instance he kicked in this Paris Hilton wanna be’s headlight when she was driving by and almost got rolled by like 5 of these jock-bro types.  Then we go to some house party and have to leave early because Kyle was writing GG ALLIN in one of those jumbo magnum sharpies on the wall. Then on the way out Kyle tried fighting an old cabbie dude and we’re walking up to Watterson and this huge Avalanche truck comes to a screeching halt. 5 or so dudes that look like Goldberg or some shit pile out and start walking up on us all fast. They start yelling at us “WHO KICKED MY FUCKING TRUCK” yadda yadda yadda. One of the dudes started pushing Kyle and stuff and Turtle and I were just like, “SHIIITTTTTT.” Then some guy up in Watterson yelled out of his window at the dudes and we ducked out. We sent Kyle home because he was being fucking dumb and apparently on his way home he opened a manhole and jumped in. I don’t know if you’ve ever looked in those but it’s like a 10 foot drop. I guess he just passed out down in the sewers and woke up the morning smelling like shit without his wallet or some of his clothes.

If you had to do it again, would you microwave a turd on turtle’s dorm floor and stink up the entire place causing people getting off the elevator to dry heave?

Hahaha, YES. FUCK YES? Dude that was awesome. At the same time Turtle caved in his hallway mirror and some dude was lighting off fireworks in the bathroom sink. That was the same night that Matheny made out with the chunky girl and called Turtle’s room crying because he was lost. Also the same night that those fat chicks at that house party were walking up to Mac and I and were trying to be funny or something.Then later that girl was vomiting all over the couch and this wild nerdy dude came up and was making out with her like 10 seconds later. Fuck man… that place.

What band can you not stand right now?

I don’t know. If I don’t like something I try to not pay any attention to it andjust focus on the things I enjoy

Be honest, what was it like tolerating my drunk self every other weekend?

Man, it was the best. I wouldn’t trade those times for anything. Dude, that one time when we had first met Cody and he was trying to pull your pants off and stuff. Oh man, best college ever.

What five records have been in regular rotation on your turntable

Black Sabbath – Paranoid

Tragedy – Nerve Damage

Earth – Pentastar

Cursed – III

Torche – S/T

What is your favorite curse word and why?

I don’t know. I try not to cuss. I do it way too much. I like to think I’m a relatively intelligent person and that I have a rather extensive vocabulary. I don’t want to say “fuck” because that’s everybody’s favorite. I guess I’ll choose “goddam” because it’s both offensive and creative

Who really flew the plane into the twin towers?

Joe Boland did it. I SEEN HIM DO IT

Any final thoughts/last words/shout outs

Black Teeth – 7in will be out in December or January. Look out for it. http://blackteeth.blogspot.com.Sell your soul for rock and roll.

“Peter, I am going to toss this plate at the wall….”

“Dude, why wouldn’t you?”

That was essentially our relationship in a nutshell.  He was a man that suited every awkward occasion you were in with his hilarious commentary.  A partner in crime and a person a miss very dearly…ladies and gentlemen, Peter Nelson…..

PETER! How’s it going my friend? How’s life?

It’s been going pretty well good sir, I’ve been biking a lot lately and eating well. Though school is thoroughly owning me at the moment, and has been for the past 3 weeks. Paper, papers, papers.

So you were in nazi germany for quite some time studying abroad. Talk about your experience over there and some of the more memorable moments.

First of all, it’s the Federal Republic of Germany, jerkoff.

Germany was fucking sweet. I got to experience the laid-back, liberal, progressive European lifestyle as a student. I also got to experience what it’s like to be a foreigner and how significant the language barrier can be (and that’s with years of German under my belt).

Some more memorable moments were having a few pints in a couple of rad pubs with my buddy Mr. Kevin T. Garvey in London, listening to the Wedding Present, Oasis, Morrissey and the Smiths while wandering around Chelsea in London, visiting and staying with a friend of mine in Vienna and experiencing the super laid-back Austrian way of life and their hilarious dialect first hand, visited Berlin twice, and on several occasions riding a night bus back to my dorm in the city I studied in with too much Russian beer in my system and singing some Bruce Springsteen tunes while various German youths gave me puzzled looks.

Europe was amazing.

Let’s talk about a love of yours, Volkswagons. A multiple part question.
How did your love from this brand come about? How do you feel the models
and quality of the cars they’ve come out with recently and if you had to
construct your “dream V-Dub” what would it be….and I want specifics, like
blantant gear-head talk I wouldn’t and won’t understand.

Alright, time to set the record straight.

A few years back, when I was in the market for a cheap, reliable, stick-shift, fun subcompact that I could wrench on, mod and race, I was looking at Mazdas, Hondas, Nissans and VWs. I came across vwvortex.com, one of the greatest messageboards ever created, looked at the older generation Golf/Jettas, took an interest in the 2nd generation (the mark 2 generation) because it fit the bill was was well known for it’s torquey engines and handling characteristics, and found/bought a prime example of one from a dude in Wheaton a few weeks later for $1000. I’ve been in love ever since.  The current generation Golf/Jetta, the 5th generation, had a few problems from the get-go such as electrical and suspension problems, and they were underpowered. However they cleared that up in 2007 and bumped up the horsepower/torque and haven’t read about any problems since.  The current GTI (and the new GTI that’ll be in the States in a year or two) on the other hand are complete masterpieces and are total throwbacks to the original GTI in terms of pep, suspension, versatility and economy.  My dream VW? Fuck, well one has quite the laundry list of modification, but here we go.

1989 VW Jetta Coupe, silver, small bumpers

-2.0 liter 16-valve with port/polish, 13:1 compression, ABA block swap, Independent throttle bodies, 034 standalone engine management, knife-edge crank, balanced and blue-printed, 289 race cams (maybe solid lifter, if possible with a 16v), stiff motor mounts
-modded to mid-engine, RWD
-Peloquin sequential gearbox with a limited slip differential ($10,000+ alone)
-Bilstein Gruppe 2 shocks with Ground Control 600/700 coilovers
-polyurethane bushing all around
-carbon fibre hood
-high flow exhaust
-techtonics race header
-16×8 BBS 3-piece wheels
-17×8 OZ Ultraleggeras
-some kind of wide, sticky DOT-legal tire
-plexi-glass
-full roll-cage
-harnesses
-Recaro carbon fibre race seats
-13 inch 2-piece drilled/slotted carbon brakes with Hawk black race pads up front
-stripped interior
-no AC, PS, or ABS

purpose: destroy Evos, STIs, Lotuses, Audi R8s, and possibly even Lambos and Ferraris around the track with naturally aspirated (non-turbo/supercharger) power.

Hats off to you if you understand half of the mods listed.

No, I do not work for VW.

Your father worked for the city of Chicago for quite some time. Talk about
some of the more sketchy political stories that your father told you.

Wow, I’m surprised you remember this.  He actually worked for the toll way, and I believe it was a job in-between semesters at ISU many years ago.  What his job mostly consisted of was the typical toll way worker; stand around with 3 other dudes while another takes 5 hours to fill in a pothole.

Well, there was another part of his job. He was required to put in a certain amount of political work each month for one of the candidates running for election at the time, he can?t remember which one (surprisingly). So what he would do is get together with another coworker and paint campaign signs in some ones garage once or twice a month. If he didn’t do this he would be fired. Pretty interesting stuff.

When will the rest of the world realize that U2′s “Joshua Tree” is one of the greatest albums ever?

When they realize that BONO IS NOT ALL OF U2! Fucking Christ, I talk about this with my buddy Tim all the time, we hate defending U2 because of Bono. Yes, Bono is a dipshit but the Edge is a genius, their early stuff is fucking brilliant, Brian Eno produced most of their stuff, and Bono might?ve used to be cool. The Joshua Tree is so good, the song progression, lyrics and guitar riffs smoke.

Discuss the time you went to a party at Western and thought it would be a good idea to drink 8 energy drinks?

It was actually 3 bottles of Vault, taken down pretty fast. It was pretty sweet besides making lakes in Geoffs driveway every 10 minutes, having to drink a bunch of water in-between bottles to avoid going into a diabetic coma, having an irregular heartbeat at the end of the night, having a cold sweat, and not being able to sleep. It’s amazing what a ton of high-fructose corn syrup and caffeine can do to someone. Party hard.

What WIU memory do you have that sticks out the most?

I’d say that night that began with you and Eddie drunkenly picking me up and going over to Kevin’s. After a while you started to cuddle with and fondle a vacuum cleaner, and when you got your fill of it, you decided to take a blanket and form it into a babushka like some kind of old retarded Russian woman. You then picked up a Louisville slugger and started bashing a bunch of bottles and cans out on his porch while mumbling Christmas carols.  I later on recommended that you pick up a conveniently placed box of drywall tacks and throw them in the street, you did, but I cleaned them up a little later for fear that it would haunt us later. A cop drove by a few minutes later.  Later on Jaron and you went down to the basement and began smashing previous renters belongings with a frying pan and frequently stopping to urinate on it (myself and my uninhibited intuition as well). You later threw the frying pan through the window, bringing an end such a cockamamie affair.

Okay, Morrissey’s solo catalogue or The Smith’s catalogue: Who wins?

Fuck, that’s tough, I guess I?d have to say Morrisseys solo work because I’m more familiar with it. But really, I should listen to the Smiths more often.

Mark My Words: Chicago Straight Edge. Please plea to me why my hardline ass shouldn’t curb stomp you and your yiddish bass player

LOL.  Why am I no longer edge? I decided after LOTS of thought, that I couldn’t see myself being edge for the REST OF MY LIFE. This was late Sophmore year. I figured I would de-claim and step out gracefully. I’ve gotten plenty of shit, like, “why didn’t you just break?!?” and “it’s all the same you dumb motherfucker”, mainly from Diego and Joey (they kicked me out of Brainwashed for being too slow and de-claiming btw? LOL), but I think it was the right choice. I definitely discussed it with friends beforehand, Mr. Straggler P. Vandenbroucke approved the way I went about it, and ended up experimenting with alcohol shortly before I left for Germany, Spring semester of Junior year. While discussing how alcohol affected me, Mr. Karl G. Schuster (scientist/philosopher/Dekalbian) noted that I  don’t want to go to Germany with sea legs.   Goddamn that dude rules so hard, I gotta party with him sometime soon.  Anyway, I haven’t changed, and beer and gin are delicious.  As far as Brent, no comment.

Room mosh: Yay or Nay?

YAY all the way!

Who was the dumbest person you ever encountered at Western?

That’s tough.  Wait no it’s not, Matt Marcotte! What a shitty dude!

What is the sketchier album to have in one’s record collection:  Skrewdriver’s “All Skrewed Up” or One Life Crew’s “Crime Ridden Society”

I would figure “All Skrewed Up”, because to me it implies that you’re a racist piece of shit. It’s one thing to have a few of their tracks for comedic value, but to have the actual vinyl, no dice.  I have no idea what One Life Crew sounds like or what they’re about, I’ve just always been told they suck and have pursued listening to other bands.

So you and a few of your friends started “Das Fun Haus”.  Explain what it is, how it came about and some of the more memorable shows there so far.

Das Fun Haus is a show/party venue on Vernon Ave. and Annoying-as-Fuck Train Rd. that I lived at last Fall Semester, my Junior year.  It all started Sophmore year when we wanted to get a house after our dorm-stint and be able to put on shows and parties whenever we wanted to. I really must give most of the credit to Joey and Brent, because they were the ones who got on the ball about finding a place and dealing with the landlord. We needed a 4th roommate, so Joey contacted his coworker and then-acquaintance Mr. Tim! Crisp, and he gladly signed.

When we were all moved in we went over roommate shit, and Joey was the one to begin getting on the horn and getting bands to put on shows. Tim also started putting on shows, but mainly of the alt-country genre. I never really had much to do with putting on shows, other than taking money, referring 1 or 2 bands to Tim, and generally keeping an eye out/cleaning up after shows/parties.  Good times were had, our basement and house were broken in properly, and the landlord never suspected a thing.  One particular show that I remember quite well was the Cross Exam/Infinite Missiles show. Those dudes love beer/partying. Despite the one dude in Infinite Missiles being a total piece of shit, I still enjoyed their tight set and response they got (and put in my two cents during their covers). Cross Exam was, yeah, fucking phenomenal. I didn’t stay down there for long due to soreness and fatigue, but man were they a sight to see; I didn’t know such insanity could happen in such a small space.  There are more memorable moments, but that’ll do.

Sidenote: I plan to put on a show at the Kitchen (current residence) in the next 1.5 months and possibly early Spring semester, then we’ll see how it goes after that. Check out the Chicago band Angel Eyes on myspace, they’re interested. Joey swears that they’re broken up, he’s off his fucking rocker. In fact he’s so off his rocker that I’m cancelling our vacation to Palm Springs.

Any last words/final thoughts/shout outs?

Peter Gabriel rules, god does not exist, Sam Adams Octoberfest is fucking delicious, and I?d like to send a shout out to Timiah Fanning and his family, and their adorable dog  Tegan.

Hey man, how the hell are you.  It’s been a while, how’s life?

I’d have to admit life is swell; laying on my bed, belly full of falafel, listening to Kool Keith. Beside me is an unpacked suitcase that I’ve had the pleasure of living out of over the past few months. Now that I’m home in Wildwood I’ve just been marinating on some west coast job offers to dodge the frigid midwest winter.  I’m counting my blessings.

You’ve been a bit of a road dog as of late doing merch duties for 2*Sweet and more recently with Veil of Maya.  How does one handle being gone months at a time and what were some of the highlights from both tours with you?

When I was in 8th grade Jon Hunt (Dead To Fall) would kidnap me and take me on a few dates of tour at a time, training me to be a little road warrior.  Overtime, I learned that the trick to surviving tour is attempting to maintain a campers mindset.  My bed is a sleeping bag, I roast veggie dogs on mini George Foremans, I urinate upon objects other than toilets, and material possessions are for the most part unobtainable.  I’m okay with all of this.

I have to confess that even though I lost money on the 2*Sweet tour, I had a better time in comparison.  My memories with 2*Sweet were a bit more genuine and adventurous than with Veil of Maya.  I’m just going to summarize with snippets from my blog.

2*Sweet:

“We decided to celebrate our journey into Disneyville, Florida by blasting Disney jams while Dave Cronin and Dan got nude and sang along. Dave proceeded to do penis tricks. Shit got real when penis foolery turned into pleasurable masturbation. If your response to that was of the “ohhh” effect… picture a similar look on his face as he came in front of the van audience.”

“With a few pointers from Florida natives we found ourselves at the beautiful St. Petersburg Beach on the Gulf of Mexico. All of the power in St. Petersburg was kaput, and we found ourselves with the sound of fresh crashing waves.  The beach had an convenient set of wooden recliner chairs to sprawl out on.

To celebrate everyone in 2Sweet and I stripped naked and galloped, moshed, and primal chanted in a circle around The Appreciation Post while repeatedly chanting “Jo-si-mo!” before freedom running along the shore;…they were surrounded and speechless. I jumped in. A few of us smoked weed and we all just set back on our recliners to enjoy the warm, Florida ocean breeze and clear sky.

I awoke in the morning to a beefed up cabana boy pushing on the back of my chair demanding me to get off them. I mumbled back half coherently and sat up to comprehend what was going on. The guy was pissed that we stole some mats from his “mat stack” and threatened for us to leave before we “would be in a world of regret” or some lame words like that. Justin and I were the only ones left asleep on the beach, but there were surely a large handful of tourists around us. Talk about feeling like a bum.”
Veil of Maya:

(I have to dedicate this this section to Higler who kept me sane through this real life Metalocolypse)

“Higler wins again…. after hardly being able to stand I led him back into the van where he called everyone faggots for an hour, threatened to quit the band, and then passed out…. only to later wake attempting for a good 5 mins to light a cigarette but instead lighting a lighter with a lighter in his mouth.”

“After a strange evening (on acid) we agreed upon rest and in the process decided to combat the band White Chapel and their 10,000 something plays with a new band called The Church of Negro’s. Lord Snackrafice (formerly know as Higler)sent one of his many ignored text to owner of Sumerian Records at 4am stating that Veil of Maya is no longer and that The Church of Negro’s will be headlining a world tour with supporting acts: R. Kelly, Prince, and White Chapel (opening of course). We have yet to hear reply and will be talking to Jay-Z shortly if the lack of communication persists.”

“Higler is casually informing me that he plans on finishing the four bratwurst in the fridge. An hour ago we saw an urgent news report explaining that the exact brand and kind of sausage has been the cause of 4 recent deaths from Lysteria. “I had fun with my life” he stated.

Higler has been diligently planning to bangbus this buffalo for the past handful of months. She was going to rondevu at Metal Mother’s after the show to scoop Glur back to her apartment for seconds of hot sex. Higler became inebriated past responsible decision making at the show and I convinced him to congest my sack of fungi’s and not tell her when she arrived. He devoured the fungi’s and remained confident in his plan. He was confident when he could not speak more than 5 words without slurring and he was confident when she didn’t text him back for a solid hour or so. I bet Glur 5 dollars that he had been ditched. It took until 5 mins ago for him to admit his defeat as he inspected his phone to pinpoint where he blew it.

You ran Jkid booking for a while and put on the infamous Jkid Fest back in 03′.  What were some of the hilarious moments to come from that fest, more specifically the infamous Good Clean Fun getting pelted with doughnuts and eggs.  That ruled.  Fuck that band.

I’m not sure that I had the ability to find anything comical at JKidFest…

This is the situation: the fest sells out before it starts at 680, no presale, people turned away from Carolina/Colorado/ect, the second I inform everyone Andrew Morrissey is racing by me with his head split open gushing blood, Good Clean Fun arrives a minute later making ridiculous demands, FSU wants to fight me (not the case now), and I find out someone ate my falafel. Fuck.

Really, the most memorable highlights of JKidFest can be summed up in a half hour of behind the scenes police brutality.  During DTF’s set I had to warn some kid a number of times to quit drinking behind the venue for the sake of not being shut down.  He believed it was his right, called me a faggot and was almost beat up by 6 guys other than me before sirens came flashing down the alley.  The police forced 7 of my friends against the police car, along with this kid.  The police told us to face the hood and not dare look at their faces while forcefully kicking all of our legs apart and ripping the hood off of my head calling me “Dawsons Creek”.  He told me to reach into my pocket and empty them and as I did, he ripped them out and told me that he did not instruct me to do so.  I told him to calm down and he hit me over the head with his walkie talkie for not saying “sir”.  Chris Morrissey was forced to eat his eighth of dank with a flashlight shoved in his face and the ultimatum of “going uptown” if he couldn’t finish.

After taking some real verbal abuse and explaining the original problem to the police they instructed everyone except for the kid to go and as we all timidly backed off the police car this punk ran inside the fully packed venue, drunk and underage.  The police shouted “get that kid or something something” and we chased after him into the sea of people, grabbed him, punched him in the face, and threw him to the cop.  The cop proceeded to slam his head into the thick, steel, security door corner and throw him to the gravel.  I peeked out of the door, wedged by a 2×4 and he was being kicked repeatedly.  The cop saw I was watching and kicked the wood out while yelling “if anyone comes out this back door for the rest of the night, this will be you”.  They dumped his alcohol on him and dropped him off somewhere.  Meanwhile Chris Morrisey is claiming to see nothing but light streaks.  I told Jon to announce for no one to go in the alley and he says something along the lines of “Umm… well, I guess no one should go in the alley because the Chicago police will probably beat you up”.
You’ve always had close ties with the Chicago scene but also the Milwaukee scene as well during the hay days of 7a7p and more importantly endthisday.  What are your thoughts looking back on that era of music and what those bands accomplished and how overlooked it went.  Better yet, let’s also discuss how years later hair/mall metalcore bands still can’t touch “Sleeping Beneath The Ashes of Creation”

Jeez, I truly miss being able to see all of those bands in a musky, asbestos sprinkled basement, with giant furnace obstructing my view. For real though, those were somehow the best shows I’ve ever been to.  I had the privilege of watching an awkward Mat Matera of 7a7p in 100% seriousness, converse with his amp and cry to it for an hour straight.  I’m baffled at how they couldn’t pack a basement but 3 years following their break up could sell out a 450 cap venue, two days in a row.  As for End This Day, they annoyed the hell out of my Milwaukee show experiences.  Those dudes would jerk each other off, urinate into their own mouths, and make sure no one but themselves were having a good time.  Looking back, I think it’s hilarious.  I’m sure everyone will hate but I have to confess to enjoying Coma Eternal more.

You are doing some booking work with Shane from The Killer.  Explain that…..

Working with Shane was one of the most ironic and incredible experiences .  I did a three week internship at a Christian festival company that he runs called Concert Services Inc.  In the Chicago office we pretty much listened to Full Blown Chaos, Jazz Fusion, and satanic death metal bands.  The owner of the company is a millionaire coke head, who hardly attends his own fest or even knows what is going on.  During the second week we drove out to Willmar, MN to put on a 20,000 person Christian music festival where we shot airsoft guns, made fun of people, rode go karts, and constantly drank on the company dollar.  Somehow, I lucked out and was the only one to receive a suite; complete with a hot tub lounge, two big televisions, two sinks, a couch, and ect.  Every night I got dumb drunk and doubled my chances of alcohol poisoning by thinning my blood in the hot tub. Buchers birthday was on the final night and we accrued the most random group of people to attend “Vomit Fest”.  We promoted Vomit Fest for two days, and with many revolting stares and declined invitations we acquired a small handful of the most random troopers.  Just imagine us, the guy from “Cool Faith Merch”, Concert Services Inc. aid (comparable to Dwight from The Office but more nerdy and always cautious), the hotel manager, The Newsboys merch guy (accompanied by a happily married bimbo), a dude named Elvis, Shanes wife, and Shanes sister in law.  In the suite, we all played beer pong, gambled, and drank to the point of gromlets…. well I did.  I disappeared to the pool room and made gromlets.  It was one of the least Christian experiences I’ve had.  Shane really is a good boss though.

Please discuss your most memorable moment in the chaos years of ISU

Well, most of the stories have been regurgitated a million times so I’ll try to dig into some of my most enjoyed snippets of the first Dude House days.

One of my favorite moments was followed by the unplanned and unspoken 40 ounces and Wu Tang on the stoop.  We are all slothing out and enjoying ourselves on the stoop when all of the sudden Modern Life is War comes on. Somehow an energy came over each of us in unison.  My ex was the gentle girl next door type and to my surprise I glanced over in the fury to find her ripping the couch apart with me.  It was in all of us, to rip apart that couch, piece by piece and hang it in the maple tree out front.  So satisfying.

A few moments later Stix and Foojah are wrestling in the dirt and glass for some reason and decided that it would be a good idea for Stix to pee in Foojah’s cupped dirt hands.  Stix fills his hands with urine and Foojah pulls the unexpected slap to Stix’s face leaving a urine mud mark.

One hazy evening, Metal Bill decided that he couldn’t be rightfully claim a name such as Metal Bill unless he smoked weed.  Little did we know how much anxiety would take over Bill after multiple bong rips to the face.  We traveled back to the orig. Dude House where I discovered they had turned the majority of their living room into a fort of mattresses.  My ex, Bill, and I sat in the fort and he quickly began to become super wide eyed, tweaking out of his mind. I’m pretty positive Bill thought he was in a war bunker of sorts and was having war flashbacks.  In fact he said something vague of the sorts.  I wish I could remember the things he was saying but either way, he was still convinced that he needed to smoke weed to be named Metal Bill.

You are now a single man.  What are the qualities that will make up the future “Mrs. Blood” other than a love for hate riffs?

Pregnant.  Ever since I saw Juno I’ve been in love with pregnant teens.

Top five records of 2008 Go!

This question is difficult because I don’t normally keep up with new albums, I just continue to discover older stuff that I love.  And as for the bands that I follow, most of them released in 07 so I’m anticipating 09.  Anyway, some of the recent releases I enjoy are…

R. Kelly- Double Up

Mouth of the Architect- Quietly

Bon Iver- For Emma Forever Ago

Crime in Stereo- Is Dead

2*Sweet- Sleep Without Dreams

Discuss the movie-esque moments you have had one with Bobby Brown and one Ron Sway

The first time that Bob visited my incredibly politically correct, liberal arts school, was when I convinced my brothers friends to throw a show party for the band 1908.  These guys begged me to bring my band out to play or just hang and I continued to decline telling them that they were too much of a handful.  After much convincing and telling me that they need some crazy on campus, I finally invited Bob just a small sample of my friends and they were in for a treat.  Before the show my brothers friends requested that I bring over a huge stack of paper towels and many stolen rolls of toilet paper for their bathroom… it was the least I could do for allowing me to have the show at their house.  Keep in mind that the Beloit College student body is an incredibly sheltered and wealthy bunch.

Anyway, Bob rolls up with his cousin, and Ashraf (old DTF road dog) just in time for 1908 to start.  I turn around and just as they begin, Bob is climbing onto the rickety ole living room bar top.  Everyone is staring at him as he continues to remove his clothes and perch for his next surprise.  1908 goes into the next song and Bob leaps onto the already disgusted kids who are demanding that he put his clothes back on.  1908 is loving the good ole familiar Lake County madness but the crowd is outraged.  Bob discovers the stack of toilet paper and paper towels beside him and begins to unravel every single piece into the crowd.  I joined him of course and the girl beside me turns to say in disgust “this is my friends house, what the fuck?” I retort “yeah I put the show on… settle down… they are my friends too”.  Bob continues to launch himself onto the crowd blanketed in tissue paper until the show is over.  He can tell that not a single person in the house besides us enjoyed his antics.  Somehow he discovers a megaphone and walks through the party proclaiming that everyone is a “liberal hippy faggot” just to get under their skin.  My ex and I sweep the room and throw it into a recycling bin in the living room.  This is when Bob gets the great idea to pee into their recycling bin like some sort of naked super hero while yelling “I’M TAKING OUT THE TRASHHHH!”.

This is when one of the house residents becomes furious and calls Bob over to have a few unfriendly words.  Before he could say much, I took responsibility and told him to leave Bob alone and that it would be cleaned.  I was cut off by him talking to me like I’m a kid and before I could retort Ash stepped up and told him that he couldn’t talk to me like that.  The kid picked up his cell phone and began to call friends to come fight us, even though the house was packed full of people that hated our existence.  Ash said something along the lines of “we all have friends, how about you hang up the phone and we go outside so I can smash your face into the concrete?”  He responded scared as shit “Could you guys just leave my house?” We went back to my dorm and 1908 took over the communal lounge with sleeping bags and ect.  I put on Guitar Hero and went to bed.  At about 4 am I woke to check on the band… they were all asleep in the lounge but Bob was naked jumping around on the couches to Guitar Hero entertaining only himself.  Up until the time I graduated, people spoke about the legend of Naked Bob, unknowing that he was a friend of mine.

As for Kasper… he is a bit too lazy for adventure.  The great times with him come in spurts of energy and then a huffing and puffing to catch his breath.  The first time we took him on tour we hardly knew him.  The promoter for the show brought us two hotel rooms for some reason and Kasper got nude except for a tiny towel tucked under his belly to drape over his little wiener and ran through the hotel.  It’s really not half as hilarious unless you’ve seen Kasper.  Undo Tomorrow gave him a whooping to his bare and  pimply backside before he put his clothes back on.

The ‘movie esque’ tip, reminds me  of when he went to a friends wedding in the middle of nowhere and convinced everyone in the local bars and clubs that his name was Jeremy Jeremy, nephew of Ron Jeremy.  He drank for free and paid no admission all night.

Most of my favorite stories of Kasper involve food and have already been told on the Peoria Board.  I’m unsure that anything will top his 3 som with Higler.
Finish this sentence, “If there’s one thing I can’t stand its….”

Wet socks

Liquor or beer:  who wins?

Beer does not provoke me to come dangerously close to wrestling John Foojah through a window, yell “what’s it about?” for an hour straight on a kitchen counter, gromlet on touring bands vans, and wake up in a room blanketed with towels asking who the sucker that vomited is….in one 12 hour span.

What is the status on Carnivale.  Is it done or is there anything we can expect in the near future?

I’m never quite certain what is going on.  I will say that we are writing and starting to experiment with a ton of different ideas.  We have more than a full sets worth of new material but aren’t satisfied. The entire album has been written lyrically and as soon as we are confident with the style Brian (guitarist) will begin to write guitars to the lyrics. I won’t talk too much about the idea but it is an accumulation of our lives that climaxes at a present point, 12/23/06, when our good friend Kevin passed.  More than anything, the album will be a gift to ourselves.

Brian, Bob, and I are talking about relocating to the west coast and snapping off in our own house with a room full of random instruments. I have a job offer in San Jose and possible Seattle, I made Bob shake on coming with me. The real truth is, we really just want to be closer to Matt Attack.

Scenario time:  You are at a party and end up getting wasted.  You wake up the next morning naked lying next to another naked man who is in a rock band called Devil’s Pie.  Who is the mystery man and what is the conversation that follows?

I would hope to wake beside a warm, soft and cuddly Joe Boland.  We would talk our soft spoken, drunken gibberish.

Joe: Jerba-roo-roo

Me: Sturro-cun-rod Fleeeeep
Any last words/final thoughts/shout outs?

Shout out to Matt for constructing such thought provoking interviews.  These things kept me incredibly entertained on tour.  Also, thanks to everyone who occupied a Dude House for allowing me to ravage it along with you.  Love to my soul mate Stix, and Turtle…my brother from another mother.  My apologies if the responses were too long. Now, PUT EM UP FAYGOTS… BANG EM!