Left Hand Path Interview

I’ll keep this brief.  Probably my favorite Chicago hardcore band.  Definitely called it quits a bit too soon in my opinion. They’re reuniting to play with the Cro-Mags in Chicago in October and I’m very pissed I can’t be there.  Wreck Your World….here’s Dan Polak

Okay, first things first, Left Hand Path broke up because of how big 2*Sweet was getting at the time. FUCKING WHY?????????

Ha, the burning question right off the bat.  Basically I wanted to be able to do a band where I could drum and tour full time with my friends is all there was to it.   I had wanted to do that for a long time and the window was there so I jumped through it.  Unfortunately there weren’t any pitchforks or rusty knives at the  bottom when I hit to maim me but it’s all good.  Anyways, at that time lhp  kinda wasn’t doin too much and we ended on real high note for  that moment and I very much wanted to keep it that way and not  worry about some ‘last’ show.

Other than “The Wreckage” 7inch and some contributions to a comp or two (I think). Is there any more material you dudes recorded but never released. I only bring this up because we now live in a world where Tupac is still releasing new material from beyond the grave.

No nothing with the Cronin/Pete/Andrew/Octavio line up.  However there were 2 unfinished songs me, Andrew, and Pete wrote.  Kind of along the lines of the material of ‘the wreckage’ except maybe a little heavier…those songs got lost in the great flood though and I don’t think they’ll ever surface unfortunately.

The most dead-on comment I ever heard at a show was said by you at Shane’s Birthday Bash. I believe the quote was, “Let it be known, that a lot of the bands you guys listen to have either
ripped off a. carcass b. bolt thrower or c. entombed.” That line
was met with a roar of applause.  Do you think now, in hardcore,
that is still true?

I do. I hear it all the time…but I think that’s a good thing.  As long as new ideas collide with amazing old ideas…good things can happen.  I’m pretty sure most of the bands that borrowed riffs from all said bands usually wear it on their sleeve as respect.  Ya know, when a band can pull off sounding like ‘reek of putrefaction,’ that’s a fine thing.  But also know that when your wreaking havoc listening to hatebreed’s ‘last breath,’ you’re basically destroying stuff to a sped up version of bolt thrower’s ‘cenotaph.’

How important was Wisconsin’s Defense to midwest
hardcore, friendship, hardcore and unity? Also, did I mention hardcore?

I mean Soulman’s tan never ceased to amaze me if that’s of any importance.  And were they just from Wisconsin or weren’t there 3 other states in there as well?  Oh well.

While your former band Undo Tomorrow is now defunct, has the appreciation for 50 foot squids carried over into 2*Sweet?

As far as the squids destroying the whales, we did incorporate that a little bit.  Actually, a lot of bit.  But I don’t know if anyone ever really understood my amazement at that underwater phenomenon.  It’s a battle that will never end.  Much like our battle up here on land on whose God has got the bigger dick…endless war.

Why do so many Chicago residents hate White Castle other than the
explosive liquid waste that comes purring out of your ass at 3 in the morning?

See, I didn’t really know that many people hated it.  And except for puking after eating too many sliders about 15 years ago, I have never had any type of unsettling problem with White Castle.  Ever.  It is cheap and delicious.  The breakfast is seriously like something you would whip up in your own kitchen too, which is good to me cause if its early enough I don’t want to even think about making anything let alone having to clean up after myself.  But for real, the breakfast is amazing.  They have sweet potato fries too.

Cro-Mags “Alpha & Omega” or Leeway’s “Open Mouth Kiss”: Who wins?

I can’t back ‘open mouth kiss’
I stopped at adult crash and never looked forward, but I did like ‘desperate measures’ a lot. I had always liked ‘alpha omega.’  To me it sounded like a megadeth-ish record.  Same thing goes with ‘best wishes.’  So that being said, its obvious that I like both of those records.  The real question is, “harder cover: ‘best wishes’ or ‘near death experience’?”

What hardcore records have been in constant rotation for you as of late?

Up the punks…
Black Flag: my war, and slip it in
The Faith/Void: split lp
Doom: total doom
Swiz: no punches pulled
Amebix: Arise!
Bl’ast!: the power of expression

I’ve heard through the grapevine that your tales of sexual conquest are that of legend. Let’s hear one.

Naughty.  I gotta save any and all of my stories for when I’m doing my article in Playboy…but I will say that I went to a lingerie bar wearing a lhp sweat suit with the shoes to match…

If you had to do it all over again, would you let a garbage man
sing for one of your bands (other than Larry Bird)?

Absolutely.  Peter Steele of Carnivore and Type O Negative fame drove a garbage truck.  He’s also close to 7 feet tall.  Imagine that dude with combat boots laced up moshing towards you.

A colleague of mine advised me to ask about the use or your urban slang. For example, “CHURCH”

I’m down on some of that nonsense.  Its just gotta flow.  Let’s get goin…Church on the move, know what I’m sayin?

Are there any other possible hardcore or heavier projects 2*Sweet
dudes are working on other than Down Like The Rest? Is there any interest to start one?

And as you print this, we will have announced that 2s is probably playing a couple more shows.  Since we got back, me and my friend Todd Knife are doin a primitive band.  Pretty heavy in a celtic frost/early gorgoroth/caveman type of heavy.  I’m stoked on it and will probably be writing with Andrew and Pete from LHP as well.  I should mention that me, Pete and Andy from Undo built a studio that we will be recording out of from now on…so if anyone reading is interested, hit them up (bricktoprecordings@gmail.com).   Dave is doing a band with a bunch of dudes too…Sister Cities I believe.  So yea, we all have interest in doin other band stuff.

Any last words/final thoughts/shout outs?

Nah…well, except thanks for the interview.  I enjoy these kind of things.  I’m also the kind of guy that just sneaks out of a party cause I don’t want to deal with saying goodbye to everyone…

Weekend Nachos Interview

I’ll admit, I’ve always had a kind of unhealthy obsession with this band.  I was even more stoked to learn that they had been getting a bigger following when I moved out here to the west coast a couple of years ago.  You honestly do not hear about Chicago bands getting talked about that much and to hear that their shows out here in California were pretty nutty made me super excited.  Original guitarist Andy Nelson has rejoined the group and was cool enough to partake is some questions regarding the nachos and various other shit going on in his life such as his new recording studio, Bricktop Recording.  In July, the band announced that Relapse Records will be releasing the CD version of their latest LP “Unforgivable” as well as putting out a 7″/Split 12″ in the future.  Can you say, “Oh Wow”?   Put on your fucking sweatpants, here is Weekend Nachos….

Okay, so you are now officially back in Weekend Nachos.  What was the motivation in coming back other than not wanting to play pussy music any more?

Hahaha.  Well, I already knew 2*Sweet was breaking up when Caution asked me to rejoin…  so yeah I mean I have to do something with myself.  But seriously, I was always kind of bummed that I couldn’t do WN.  Here is the clever analogy I came up with:  It was sort of like seeing 2 girls on a not very serious level.  Where it doesn’t really matter that there’s multiple women in my life because no serious commitment has been established.  But then when I do start seeing one seriously, that relationship is now my main priority and it’s not fair to either party if I’m still seeing the other girl.  That’s pretty much what happened when I left Weekend Nachos.  I just couldn’t devote myself to the band to the extent I needed to.

Flash forward to a little over a year ago when 2*Sweet just had a string of shitty shows on the west coast and I get a text from Caution about how they played in California and tons of kids showed up and were all going off.  And I think to myself “Man, I sure picked the wrong band with a stupid name.”  I’d be lying if I said joining a band who already got pretty consistently good responses at shows wasn’t a definite plus.  I think overall though, I just needed to be playing heavy, pissed off music again.  I’ve known Caution for a long time and it was like picking up where we left off.  Plus I’ve known Laude since I was 15, but had never been in a band with him.  So that’s definitely rad as well.

You contributed musically to the “Torture” EP but still helped in the recording process for the later releases.  How did you look at the “Punish and Destroy” LP as a whole from the perspective of just “another dude” and not a band member? Is there anything you would’ve changed or done differently?

It really wasn’t awkward or anything like that.  Although I’d actually written the music for “Acceptable Violence” not long before I left the band, so it was funny teaching Aaron the riffs he couldn’t remember for that song.  It was cool though, because I hadn’t recorded anything in a long time, and Caution called me up asking me to do the LP. I never really felt like “just another dude” even if I wasn’t in the band anymore, because Caution and I worked pretty well together in that environment.  That was actually the first time I recorded anything using Pro Tools and the Trident console Pete has.  I think I was concerned more so with not fucking anything up than my former role in the band, heh.  I really want to remix that thing.  Maybe for some weird anniversary re-release or something…

What do you remember about the writing process for the “Torture” EP? What initial ideas did you go into the studio with in regards to how you wanted the band to sound and to you think it translated over properly?

Well Caution and I lived together in Dekalb when we started the band.  We had been talking about doing something that sounded like Kungfu Rick actually, haha.  You know, powerviolence/grindy, but really fucking heavy too.  Our friend asked if we wanted to play at this venue he hated dealing with, and semi-encouraged us to be very obnoxious.  So we agreed to play a show that was a week away without having any songs written yet.  I think that time-crunch definitely had an effect on some of the Torture tracks just because we needed songs that 2 other people could learn quickly and remember.  That’s why most of those songs have only 1 or 2 riffs.  Look at “4 Years” for christ’s sake.  I don’t know if we’d decided on tuning so low right off the bat, or if we only did because Ron had a 5 string bass and a 7 string guitar I could use.  Either way, we just wanted to be fast and heavy and I definitely think we accomplished that.

So you guys were asked to play the Maryland Death Fest in May.  The line up is consisting of Bolt Thrower, Brutal Truth and Pig Destroyer to name a few of the slew of amazing bands on that bill.  How did this come about? Also, confirm/deny that your appearance at this fest will possibly result in people talking about a Weekend Nachos/Mayhem beef afterwords?

I honestly don’t know how we got on the fest.  You’d have to ask Caution to find out for sure, but I’m pretty sure he was just contacted out of the blue.  Haha, I don’t have any problem with Mayhem.  Especially if Attila is still playing with them.  Their newest record is even pretty decent, definitely the best they’ve put out since Wolf’s Lair Abyss. Although it sounds like they’re just jocking the really dissonant shit right now like Deathspell Omega or Blut Aus Nord.  I hope that wasn’t name-dropping.  Whatever.  If we can play the same day as Pestilence, I’ll be sound as a pound.

Touring in a hardcore band and touring in a Pop band: What are the pros and cons or are the similarities pretty consistent?

Honestly, it’s pretty similar, especially since 2*Sweet wasn’t exactly a huge band.  If you were just dropped in the van while we were driving, you probably wouldn’t have been able to tell if we were a pop band or a core band.  Actually you probably would have thought we were a core band.  We were still the same dudes, talking about the same shit, listening to the same music.  The biggest difference were the types of people coming to shows.  Instead of dudes in basketball shorts not buying merch, we had 14 year old girls having us sign their jeans not buying merch.  We lucked out a few times and got to play some big venues who bought/made us food and paid us well, but that was definitely not the standard.  I think touring in Have Heart is probably more like what people think it feels like to tour in a pop band, as far as show turnouts and selling merch is concerned.

What were some of your memorable early moments playing with Weekend Nachos when the band was still “new”?

There are 3 particular shows that I still talk about to this day.  One was the first show, where Caution broke a table, a vase, and possibly a microphone and we were kicked out of the venue as soon as we finished playing our 8 minute set.  After that was playing with a very shitty, very popular xtian band at a now defunct venue in Dekalb.  Some friends and I used to get drunk and crash indie shows on Thursday nights.  We’d all decide on some theme we’d dress as, then we’d show up and act really obnoxious and have a great time.  For the xtian show, which happened to be a Thursday night, we decided the theme was catholic schoolgirls and schoolboys.  There’s some video footage of this show on the CD release of P&D/Torture.  I was a schoolboy and Ron borrowed his girlfriend’s actual catholic schoolgirl outfit for his costume.  My friend Danielle even bought a nun habit.  Adam and I drank a lot of shitty vodka backstage, then we came out and were very loud.  There were a ton of kids there too.  The 3rd show was at a Halloween party at my house in Dekalb.  We had a ton of people packed into the front room and we were sooo loud.  I was drinking a 40 of Steel Reserve when we played and was already very drunk.  Kids went nuts and broke a window and I fell or jumped onto Adam’s drumset.  I wish we had video of that show.

Have you ever seriously considered throwing the hidden track from the Korn self-titled release on the next weekend nachos record?

I don’t even remember that thing!  I probably listened to that whole hidden track maybe once when I first got s/t.  I was just trying to find info about it just now and haven’t come up with anything.  I don’t know if anything can top the hidden track from P&D though.

On to other things, you just built a new recording studio.  Talk about how it all got started….

Pete had been planning it for awhile actually.  His family owns a warehouse in Chicago where their business operates.  Its a pretty big space and is filled with 90% useless fucking junk.  A couple years ago I started getting back into recording and when Pete told me about his plans for building a studio, I was more than happy to help out.  He had actually already bought his Trident board and we had to drive to Tennessee to pick it up.  Then he bought the Pro Tools TDM system from another studio that closed in Chicago.  So he had been amassing some gear.  We built a live room and a few months later, we built the control room.

I got into recording for the same reason a lot of people get into it.  I got into it because recording is expensive and I felt could achieve the appropriate sound for my band better than some dork who listens exclusively to Wilco (note: I’ve never listened to Wilco, but I like Uncle Tupelo a lot).  I studied audio at Columbia for a year and a half, but commuting every day coupled with hanging out around halfwits who I was already more skilled than (from recording my friends bands on my own), on top the fact that I wasn’t exactly getting a “well-rounded” education led me to transfer to NIU and switch majors.  Eventually I found my way back to sound.  Pete actually got a degree from Columbia in recording, which means that sometimes I have to ask him why I’m not getting signal in or out of the equipment.

From a producing stand point, have you heard any records that some might dub as “pure shit” content wise yet have a production quality you like? Is this something you regularly listen for nowadays since you’re doing more recordings? If so, what are some examples…

Well pretty much all deathcore falls into that category for me.  most current pop-punk too (yeah, irony, whatever).  I checked out Whitechapel because Zeuss produced their newest record and of course it sounds awesome.  There’s actually a couple decent heavy parts, even if its mostly Hot Topic death metal.  Also the newest Academy Is… record.  There’s definitely a few super catchy, well-written pop songs, apart from having crazy slick production.  I can usually find at least one thing about a band or recording worth appreciating, even if the other 99.9999% is awful.

Once you get into recording, it becomes almost annoying how much more you pay attention to an album’s production versus the actual songs.  I can’t even remember what it’s like to listen to a song without thinking “Man that snare sounds great” or something.  I’m constantly listening for templates for how I’d like to hone my own abilities…  where is the bass sitting relative to the kick, where are the guitars sitting relative to the bass, where are the vocals sitting relative to the cymbals etc etc.  That’s not to say I’m unable to appreciate music at a pure, cathartic level.  I wouldn’t be much of a producer if that were true.  I guess it’s just a matter of balancing how exactly you’re listening while thinking critically at the same time.

Who are some good producers in terms of hardcore and metal these days? Who ya backing?

Definitely Kurt Ballou.  He’s pretty hyped right now, but there’s good reason for it.  Dude knows how to get some insane guitar tones.  Then obviously there’s the big name, ultra-slick dudes like Andy Sneap, Zeuss, Colin Richardson et al.  Richardson is definitely one of my all-time faves since I’ve grown up listening to his records.  The stuff he’s done with Fear Factory, Machine Head, Carcass…  goddamn.  He actually mixed the newest Slipknot, which sounds incredible.  A dude I’ve only just started really getting into is Joe Barresi, even though he’s done quite a few records I regularly listen to.  He’s known for being a “no rules” kinda guy, as far as using non-traditional recording techniques to get his sounds and performances.  Also a guitar tone guru.  His work with QOTSA and the Melvins is fucking incredible.  I might even check out that Tool record he did (although if the rest of the record is as bad as that “who are you to wave your finger” single, that will be a for sure example of pure shit music/great production).

Per Mac Scarle’s suggestion, please inform us what “hats for the cats” is/was….

Hahaha, well…  Hats for the Cats were a joke-grind band my friend Brian Blake and I started when we were 16 or 17.  Brian played drums and I sang and played guitar.  It was a lot of nonsense, but it was funny.  One of the first bands I recorded, actually.  We self-released a 3 1/2″ CD called “Gorilla Nuglet Chunks” that was something like 13 songs, but half of which were very random, improvised skits.  Let’s just say we were bored and obsessed with Tom Green.

Please discuss what bands you were in and give a brief summary about them and what you were doing musically at the time….

Ok, well I’ve been in a lot of bands…  I’ll just stick to the more notable ones, I guess.

SliverofLife – Came from the aftermath of a numetal band I started with Dave Cronin.  We were still kinda numetal until we heard Dead to Fall, then we tried to sound like Dead to Fall.  We self-released 3 CD’s.

The Lapis Sanctuary – I met a lot of my current friends as a result of this band.  We sounded like Orchid meets In/Humanity meets Tragedy… or something.  We managed to release a 7″ that I’m still very proud of even now, like 7 years later.  Actually, Brian Laude found some hardcore discography book in Seattle that referred to us as “classic midwest screamo.”  Remember the days when “screamo” DIDN’T mean compete and utter fuckwaste-bullshit?

Gozarian – This band had a lot of promise, but it never got much bigger than Chicago shows and a couple trips to Madison.  We were kind of black metal…  at least we thought we were at the time.  I think we sounded more like Dark Funeral meets Carcass meets stupid mosh parts.  We released a demo that somehow made its way to Europe and got us inducted to Metal-Archives.com.  About that: the only reason we found out about us being on Metal-Archives, was because Jon Hofacker (who played bass) was Googling his own name one day and happened upon the site.  To me, that’s a very funny thing to imagine him doing.

Undo Tomorrow – Started out as a gothenburg/mosh clone, but started getting thrashier and less melodic when I joined.  This was the first band I ever toured in.  This band also is the reason I know most of the people I’m friends with now.  We released a split 7″ with Blood In Blood Out and 3 or so demos.

Weekend Nachos – Already talked about this one, obviously.

2*Sweet – All the other dudes had started this band a couple years before I joined.  Back then, they were just trying to be an NFG meets STD clone.  I joined and at first that path was maintained, but then we got a little heavier and darker.  Towards the end I thought we kinda sounded like newer Cave In meets QOTSA.  This was the most serious band I had ever been in.  For awhile, it seemed like we had a more than decent shot at playing music for a career, which even prompted me to drop out of school.  We toured for almost 2 years straight and managed to release 3 demos, and EP and a full-length.  It’s definitely been the most life-altering experience I’ve ever had…  and mostly in a good way.

What five records have been in constant rotation lately for Andy Nelson?

My recording listening turnaround is pretty frequent, but a few mainstays lately have been: U.S. Maple – Long Hair in Three Stages, Shellac – 1,000 Hurts, Nick Cave – Dig, Lazarus!!! Dig!!!, The Bats – Daddy’s Highway,  and Death Cab For Cutie – Narrow Stairs

Area Code Tattoo’s:  Yay or Nay?

Oh man…  I’m gonna say YAY, but only if they’re free.

Let’s hear an embarrassing story about your brother Peter.  Don’t hold back now…..

So this isn’t so much embarrassing as it is kinda funny.  For a period of time when I was in grade school, my mom did what was called “Art Awareness” at my school.  Every other Friday, she and a few other students’ moms would do a presentation about some area of art and then have the class do a project.  My mom would bring Peter along to these presentations because he was only 4 and she didn’t want to leave him home alone.  One particular Art Awareness Friday, my mom was talking to the class and turned around for a moment to write on the chalkboard.  Once her back is to the class, she hears riotous laughter from all the kids.  Upon turning back around, she sees young Peter pulling up his pants with a big smile on his face.  Apparently Peter, at the tender age of 4, decided it was a good idea to moon all the students and my teacher.  He was quite the little exhibitionist.

What new stuff is on the horizon for the nachos?

We’re taking a break from shows to start writing for the new LP.  Things have been a little disjointed since Drew joined and I rejoined, but I think we’re just about on track and ready to get down to business.  I doubt we’ll have the record out by the projected date on our MySpace, but who knows.  I’m very stoked to get some new material going though.  I feel I can say this band has always been about bumming people out and if even a few of the ideas being tossed around now come to fruition, people will be bummed out.  We’re all about progression and not rewriting records.  I’m seeing this especially as a golden opportunity to seriously fuck around in the studio.  It’ll be fucking heavy, that’s for sure.

Any last words, final thoughts or shout outs?

Thanks for asking me to do this.  I never get asked to comment on things or do interviews, which sucks because I love talking about myself (only half-kidding).

Big ups to BRICKTOP RECORDING.  Come make sounds with me.  Also props to other bands I’m currently playing in:  Blessed Ones (raise your hand if you like Nada Surf, Death Cab, and/or Jimmy Eat World) and Like Rats (raise your hand if you like Celtic Frost and/or Discharge).

Jah bless.

Be sure to check out Bricktop Recording:

http://www.myspace.com/bricktoprecording

Interview Series #25

It’s crazy to think now that I first met L-ZA Shavez when I was 17 years old via an awesome dude who will have his own segment on here pretty soon.  She just moved from New York to Portland recently where she is continuing her graphic design gig.  Being a native of Florida, you would’ve thought she would’ve been done with these states that have the shittiest of winters but I guess not.  She is one of the most creative people I know, enjoys a good beer and is able to find humor in the most inappropriate of things.  I think it’s a given why we’re friends at this point in the game.  Ladies and gentlemen, the Columbian powerhouse, L-Za Shavez…

Elsa! What’s going on? How’s life?

Life is great- just moved to a cool new city (Portland, OR) and told the man to eat it- I’m my own boss and plan on being very good to myself.

Formerly a Florida resident, now residing in the bronx (brooklyn).  How has the change in environment been? Also, what’s it like to now experience a real butt fucking cold winter?

It was a tough change in the beginning, but I moved in the summer so I had a bit of time to get prepared. I don’t think an NYC winter counts, it’s usually warmer than the rest of the state. I went to St. Cloud, MN in December, and THAT was a panty-freezing experience.

As mentioned before, being from Florida, what was worse in your opinion, all the old people or the over abundance of white trash?

Your forgetting a key demographic, the seagulls- those are worse than everything else combined. Beach rats with wings and a never ending appetite for your chips.

You’re a graphic designer and at 25 have already contributed to a lot of cool shit and also have quite a few awards under your belt.  That being said, what influences your work?

design/art/music/people that are light-hearted and keep things simple.

You graduated from the highly credited art and design school Ringling.  Real talk, what was the one thing that pissed you off about most of the kids in your field?

the ones that took themselves too seriously- it’s just design, we’re not saving lives here.

Scenario Time:  You are forced to quit your job and start a new one. The catch:  it’s a job where you can’t have any creative input whatsoever.  What job would you be content with having and why?

Probably being a line cook since I love chopping things mindlessly- or maybe something involving computer repair, cause I need a good reason to start wearing dream catcher t-shirts.

You have family originally from Colombia and have been able to visit the country a few times.  What is the culture like over there and how does it contrast from American society? Also, what can you tell me about drug cartels..

It’s pretty much just like you see in the movies, lots of guys in white linen, coke production, coffee, machetes and machine guns. But that’s just my family, I can’t speak for everyone else in the country.

Do you think you’ll ever see the day when Soccer catches on in America and becomes like a religion like in most other countries?

Dammit Matt, are you trying to piss me off? Not even having a world cup here or the fact that the US beat Spain, the highest ranked team in the world right now have helped, so I don’t see what will. Maybe adding time outs, play challenges and cheerleaders would do it- that and some bud light.

Insult me in Spanish and don’t hold back.  GO!

come mierda hijo de rata cara de mono gringo pinche!

Finish this sentence, “If there’s one thing that will always make me laugh its….”

dead pope jokes.

Top five movies people need to see at some point in their life.  GO!

the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy
amores perros
wall e
the empire strikes back
the life aquatic

 What records have been in regular rotation for you as of late?

grizzly bear – Veckatimest
fleet foxes- self titled

 Finish this sentence, “One night I was so drunk that I….”

fell asleep at 5pm. I am so lame.

Any last words/final thoughts/shout outs?

thanks for the honor of being your interviewee, it’s a dream come true.

Interview Series #24

I think I first met Burke going to shows back in 2002.  Burke ended up being in a band called Declaim that I would end up seeing an unhealthy amount of times during 02′ – 04′ and those shows would end up being some of my fondest Peoria memories.  He is a man that really does operate in his own little realm that doesn’t seem to make sense to the rest of us norms.  He is a free spirit, a sharped dressed man and a person that makes other people say, “Wait what?” more times than anyone I know.  Ladies and gentlemen, here’s Burke….

Burke! What’s going on man? How’s life?

Life is going pretty great.
I just moved in to an awesome new house on University in Peoria with the ever-cynical Nate Lucas. I’ve been stoked on the fact that I can now go without a car/car payment/gas payment and take the bus to an awesome job. A job that I am (technically) under qualified and overpaid to do. All those things, coupled with a healthy amount of visits to local and regional strip clubs make me one happy camper.

You were living in Minneapolis for a while if I remember correctly.  How was that?

Living in Minneapolis was an amazing life experience. Being fortunate enough to have been to many different major cities through out the US, I can safely say that it is by far my favorite. It’s not too big, but it’s also definitely not too small. So there’s never a lack of exciting things to do. And you can still feel like you don’t miss out on anything. Getting to work at the Mall of America and being a night security guard at the Metro Dome where the Vikings and Twins play were also huge bonuses to living in the Twin Cities. I met so many great people from that area, and genuinely feel like it’s a second home for me.

Most Peoria kids know you as the dude who sang for Declaim.  Talk about how the band formed and your whole experience looking back on it now.  Any highlights?

Historians refer to the brief period in Peoria music history between November of 2002 and July of 2004 as the “Declaim-Days”. I’m not saying this out of arrogance, it’s just pure fact. Look it up in any Encyclopedia Britannica. In all seriousness though, I had known Ty through the goings-ons at several local shows. We shared a common interest in the activity know as “mish-mashing” (I think that’s what kids refer to as “moshing” these days. Am I right?). And when he informed me that he and the Morton dudes he was jamming with required the services of a professional “rock singer”; I gladly obliged. It was around this time, or shortly after, that we developed a fondness for a form of musical tempo known as the “beat down” or “breakdown”. This musical beat coupled with the “mash-mishing” encapsulated our teenage angst and fueled our band for years to come. Many Central Illinois youth identified with the “mooosh-meeash” and soon a following was built. One main highlight was getting to be a part of something that many people seemed to so thoroughly enjoy. Seeing the guys in Eighteen Visions standing on chairs in the back of the East Peoria Legion, watching on as 400 kids beat the piss out of each other/themselves to the headlining “local band” was also a very proud moment for me. Just the idea of knowing I may have caught the eye of a one, James Hart, got my dick hard.

After Declaim you found yourself doing vocals for With Dead Hands Rising.  How did that come about and what do you think of that musical endeavor in hindsight? Also, what was it like to play the final Hellfest with that band?

I can attribute the whole WDHR opportunity to the people I met, and made impressions on throughout my time in Declaim. We had the chance to play with Dead Hands once but I didn’t know them personally. I did however, have several mutual friends and references. Knowing, playing, and booking shows with the likes of Foreknown, Too Pure, and Nehemiah (other Minnesota bands at the time) definitely helped my chances.
All the guys I got to play with throughout my time in WDHR were extremely talented and I always almost felt as if I wasn’t good enough to be playing in such a sweet fucking band. Playing shows with other bands I really enjoyed and looked up to, and hearing them tell me how much they enjoyed our stuff was always very flattering.
Hellfest was surreal. Just a year before I was watching the 2002 Hellfest DVD thinking how amazing it would be just to go, let alone play. And then when we got there and checked in to get our laminates I felt like a kid running into an amusement park. The first band I saw was Until the End, followed by Shattered Realm. Nothing beats watching 100’s of kids beating the fuck out of one another on an indoor soccer field. Other highlights included, my first backstage/VIP experience, complete with free pizza and drinks all weekend, seeing a Misfits roadie pay the guitar play of Forever Is Forgotten $20 to drink a full big bottle of salsa, riding in a hotel elevator with just me and Frank 3 Gun, and having him ask me if there were drug dogs in the hotel lobby, him reeking of weed, seeing the line of bloody hardcore kids to the medical room after Bad Luck 13 played, Rich Casey of Bury Your Dead in said line. All in all Hellfest was quite possibly the most memorable weekend of my life.

Confirm/Deny:  A certain member of Too Pure To Die offered to “pay you to be straight edge” if you sang for said band

This may be true. I can’t really remember if this was a serious proposition or not. But what I can, and will say, is that I did sing an entire tour with Too Pure in early 2007. And it was pretty fucking hilarious. I was scheduled to pull merch-duty for the 2 month tour. But a week into it, their fill-in vocalist Myke Terry (now of Bury Your Dead) ended up having to go home. Rather than scrap the whole tour (with Sworn Enemy, Kataklysm, As Blood Runs Black, and Suicide Silence) they decided to try the obvious quick fix, by throwing the able bodied merch guy on stage. It ended up working out really well. And touring with a straight edge band on a tour like that clearly has its advantages. Like the night in Seattle when the promoter handed me 30 drink tickets and said “Split these between your whole band”. Let’s just say that night ended with “pant less antics”.

Should more men embrace metrosexualness like you do? What clothing brands should sponsor you?

I like to think I’ve transcended the whole “metrosexual” style. Can’t I just be called a well dressed dude? Metro is just such a sexual word.
If I could obtain some sort of ALDO sponsorship, where I could get a lifetime supply of boots I think I could be pretty set. That or Diesel, I try to rock as much of that as the finances permit.

What is your favorite Peoria show memory?

As much as I’d like to give some badass answer about some crazy old show that no one even heard of and was too young to even hear about (too bad I’m not as old as old man Miah), I’m honestly going to have to say it’s a tie between every Madison Theater show I ever went to as a kid. The place was fucking amazing for multiple reasons. I got to see everyone from Linkin Park to Mudvayne to Six Feet Under to Hatebreed to Slayer to Death Threat to Taproot to Diecast, all in the complete debauchery that is the Madison.
To be more specific (and give my “Old-Man-Miah answer), I would have to say…. Back in 2002 Dead To Fall played some 21+ bar in Pekin with Provoke and Central Point Specimen. I was bummed I wouldn’t be attending being only 17 years old at the time. But I did what any resourceful kid would do and e-mailed the Dead To Fall band account. I got a response from the one and only Jon Hunt, who in turn gave me his number and told me to call him on the day of the show and he would sneak me in as a merch guy. At that show I met John from Provoke, Thom from Bled For Days, and Jake Belcher from Burlington. Several dudes that remained really cool throughout the years and ended up each helping Declaim in getting to play some awesome Iowa shows. All dudes that I still consider friends to this day.

You’re going to the club.  What tracks should the DJ be playing in order for you to get your grind on?

That’s easy. Anything by Lady GaGa is pretty much the perfect club and/or strip club music.

Describe your ideal woman…

A lady that is in no way involved in the type of music or scene that I’m involved in. It seems like nearly every chick that goes to shows or listens to metal has a little too much baggage for me. Maybe I’ve just been unlucky in the past. But really… I like the stereotypical blonde cheerleader, tiny body, big tits, nice ass, type woman. I’m attracted to fake bitches. That’s probably why I like strip clubs so much. Call me shallow… but I can’t deny what I desire. I like sluts… sluts rock.

Okay, Converge fan boy, list the band’s discography from best to worse release

For me (and not including reissues or comps of old stuff) it is…..
Jane Doe
Petitioning The Empty Sky
The Poacher Diaries
No Heros
When Forever Comes Crashing
You Fail Me

I’m not familiar enough with Caring and Killing to rank it (I never said I was the perfect Converge fan boy) and it’s hard to rank any of their albums for me, because I really do love them all. But that’s the order I’m feelin’ right now so if anyone disagrees, fuckin’ blow me.

You’ve done some serious time touring on the road.  Which bands do you have beef with.  Real talk.

There’s almost always that dudely stubborn “band-talk” at the beginning of every tour usually along the lines of “Meh… these guys are probably gonna be lame” or “This band kinda sucks”, but I can honestly say we have never toured with a band we didn’t end up getting along with. Being on tour with other metal bands is always like a glorified summer camp experience. You get to just party and listen to metal every night for months on end. All the insecurities and judgments usually melt away with that first beer. I like to think that I’m overall a pretty easy going guy to be on tour with. Honestly, the biggest beef it seems like you really come across are the problems between your own band. The majority of knock-down drag-outs I’ve seen on the road have been between members of the same band. Living in a van together for such long periods of time clearly takes its toll. But if you want some dirt…There was this one time though we played with this band called Carnifex from California. If anyone is not familiar, they are a bonafide Suicide Silence rip off to a fucking T. Right down to the way they look, to their sound, to their stage presence. It’s fucking pitiful. How could you possibly take your own band seriously when you know that what you’re doing is blatant bite on a band that already exists. Not to mention these dudes have the audacity to print a t-shirt with their logo that says “TRUE FUCKING DEATH METAL” on the back. True death metal my ass. I don’t know one “True Death Metal” band with any “straight-edge” members. Okay… now that that’s off my chest. We played a few shows with these fags a few years ago, and their drummer was a total turd. We stayed at the same place they did after a show, and that asshole stole a couple slices of pizza from us. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but what the fuck. You never take another man’s pizza. Then the next night, this pussy was complaining about the venue being “too smokey”, and had the nerve to tell the promoter to put some fans on stage or “he wouldn’t play”. Carnifex… Fuckin’ bitches. All other bands we’ve toured or played with have been fucking cool as hell.

Coalesce vs. Disembodied:  Who wins?

This one is easy for me. Not only was I a late passenger on the whole Disembodied pain-train; but I’ve been a pretty devout Coalesce fan since I was about 16. I’ve tried to keep in touch with just about everything they’ve done musically and vinyl-wise since I first heard them. I also feel like their sound is a bit broader, in that it may be easier for someone with an outside perspective to appreciate. They’ve got the grove, the rock, and the downright chaotic heaviness. Disembodied is fucking sweet though, don’t get me wrong. But to me, they’re music feels a bit more specific to a certain type of person. Like the dude who really gets down on those bone crushing chugs laced with the “straight from hell” dissonance. So as you can see I appreciate both. But for me “The Lesce” takes the cake.

Finish this sentence….”The most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen was….”

I don’t feel like I can really answer this question, seeing as in your last interview Amy made mention of picking pill fragments out of fecal matter. I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen anything close to that in real life. The most disgusting things I’ve ever seen are all brutal pictures I find on the internet involving human excrement, dead bodies/animals, naked old people, people engaged in strange/disgusting sexual acts… you know… shit like that. Pictures that are all promptly saved to a folder on my computer labeled “Jerk-Off Material”.

Any last words/final thoughts/shout outs?

I’m going to use this time to publicly come out of the closet. And let everyone know that Chris Lopinto and I have been involved for the past year, secretly. I know what you’re all thinking too, and the answer is “YES!” (the sex is great). Although we haven’t been able to make love recently because Chris is still on the mend from his sphincter reconstruction surgery. Love you HoneyBear!

But in all seriousness…
I’m always down to go to the strip club. So if anyone ever wants to go, get at me.
Also, if any ladies are reading this that fit my “Ideal Woman” description, get at me.
I am fucking awesome. I will fight anyone.

Interview Series #23

It’s funny to think that the first impressions Aimee and I had of each other, we immediately thought the other person sucked.  I can’t remember what it was that rubbed her the wrong way about me originally. Chances are I said something stupid or in poor taste like I usually do and that’s understandably why she wrote me off.  I think my beef came from a few of her posts on the old peoria many moons ago.  Internet beef, srz bznezz.  Anyways, fast forward to the infamous Thxgiving bash at our friends Richie and Nicole’s place.  We ended up talking for quite a bit and pretty much realized we were quick to jump to conclusions about the other person.  After that, we’ve been close friends ever since.  Funny how that shit works out, right? She is an all around badass and has become like a second sister to me.  At the same time, god help you if you piss this woman off.  This gal keeps it real at all times and is someone I look up to immensely.  Ladies and gentlemen, Aimee Mykelll.

Amy, what’s going on? How’s life?

Good to hear from you! Life is busy and ridiculous as always. Just got back to Michigan after two months spent in Vegas, DC, and working at an archaeology site in Illinois. I sold my summer for the good of the archaeological record. Next up is eastern Europe in August!

You are currently living in Michigan.  Tell me what Detroit is like.  Is it anywhere as near as cool as Robocop makes it out to be?

Detroit, like most of mid-Michigan, is a fucking wasteland. Imagine burned out shells of buildings (some left over from the race riots in the 1960s), abandoned factories, jittery prostitutes, random screams, wild dogs roaming about, urban farms (okay, this is kinda a cool phenomenon), and broken glass embedded in the sidewalks and you get an idea of what Detroit Rock City is like. My first experience with Detroit was in 2002 when I drove 11 hours from Iowa with my sister to see a show at the Magic Stick. We got T-boned in my shitty Plymouth Acclaim at 2AM in downtown Detroit and the manholes were steaming so much we couldn’t even see the car hit us. The last few times I went to the city with some friends, we snuck into an abandoned train station and a Shriner’s Temple. A trip to Detroit isn’t complete unless you’ve seen someone resisting arrest, broken into a deserted building, or been chased by a maniac. Sadly, I live in Lansing which is like a poor man’s Detroit. We’ve got the squats and the prostitutes and the random street fights outside our house, but it can’t compare to Murder City. So, ummm, to answer your question: I don’t know. I’ve never seen Robocop! I probably shouldn’t admit that.

Currently explain what you are studying at the moment and how it pertains to your involvement with dead people.  Let’s hear some cool stories.

I study bioarchaeology and forensic anthropology, which basically means I’m interested in the human skeleton and the ways in which the body responds to stress, trauma, disease, etc. I’m working on a couple research projects that involve decomposition rates and the effect of alcoholism on the skeleton, as well as a larger project tracing the migration of prehistoric peoples from Wisconsin to the central Illinois River valley using genetically linked traits like the shape and size of the skull and teeth. But on with the cool stories….well, today I spent six hours picking maggots and flesh off of a guy who sealed up his entire trailer with cement and turned the oven on to kill himself. He wasn’t found for two weeks, so he was pretty foul when the police got to him. I spent a long time slicing the skin and fingernails off his hands today. The last few forensic cases I’ve worked on have been pretty brutal homicides or suicides. One guy set himself on fire outside in his easy chair. I had to go through this huge pile of burned body parts to try to piece him back together. Another nasty case was a guy who shot himself in the face with an AK-47 and wasn’t found for a couple weeks. He also taped knives and a homemade bomb to his body. My job is essentially to process the body down to skeletal remains (i.e. cook it) and observe the skeleton for any signs of trauma or pathology that might help to make an identification. A couple years ago I came into the morgue one morning to find a woman who was stabbed to death on my street. That was weird. In conclusion, forensic science is gross and nothing like CSI or Bones. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had to go through dead people’s shit-filled intestines to recover pill fragments. Gil Grissom doesn’t do that shit!

Okay, grad school vs. undergrad.  Let’s hear the pro’s and con’s.

Well, this will be my fourth year in graduate school and I’m planning to be done with PhD in hand in the next three years. That will mean that I went to college for 12 years. That sucks. I generally fucked around for the first two years of undergrad and didn’t know what I wanted to study, so I skipped a lot of school and went on a lot of road trips. Why go to school when you can go to shows, right?! Getting into grad school was hard, I won’t lie. As usual, I’m getting verbose so I’ll try to sum it up here. Pro’s of undergrad: paying off loans seems light years away, free cable in the dorms, writing bullshit papers and getting away with it, gen ed credits like “Relaxation Techniques” (definitely took this at the U of Iowa). Pro’s of grad school: you can be self-indulgent and study whatever you want and people will generally respect you for it, getting paid to go to school, never paying tuition again, the power of giving grades instead of just receiving them! The con’s are pretty easy for grad school: academia is full of self-important assholes, anxiety attacks occur with frequency, and 500 pages of reading per week in one class. Con’s for undergrad? Ummm…none? I loved the irresponsibility and loan checks that came with undergrad.

Do you remember your first Peoria show? Who played?

Yes, I do! Very vividly. Well, my very first show was going to be the Red Aunts at the Legion in Washington but I got there too late and missed them. So my first real Peoria show was at Pizza Works and Bloody Mess and the Scabs played. It was 1997 I think. I went with a couple of friends from Morton High School and we were the only girls there. I was full on into my punk phase so I was wearing a Mom-disapproved Bad Religion shirt and a leopard print mini skirt and probably thinking I looked really awesome. I met a few people that night that stayed in my life in some way for years.

You had the privledge of booking some sweet shows in Peoria back in the day.  I do believe the first show you ever put on was Kill Your Idols in Morton.  On top of that, you also booked a Hatebreed gig in early 2000 -2001.  Explain that experience and your introduction to band riders

Indeed that was the first show I ever did. I printed up 100 fliers at Kinko’s and realized I fucked up the date or something. I spent a solid hour fixing them in my high school history class and the teacher pulled one out of my hand and went, “HARDCORE FROM NEW YORK? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??” Ahhh, MHS. He didn’t believe me that a band would come all the way from New York to play in Morton, Illinois and I kind of didn’t believe it either. About 75 people showed up for that show in 1999 at the Optimist Club and they only charged me $50 to rent the place! That’s now unheard of, I’m sure. That Hatebreed show came about in a strange way. Jamey emailed me from an AOL account and I remember his opening sentence was something like, “Hi, I play in a band called Hatebreed and we just finished a few dates with Slipknot…” I still have that email printed off in a box somewhere. That show was at some bullshit venue during Cornerstone week, so the turnout wasn’t too great. Hatebreed was touring in a bus and they all seemed kind of embarassed by it. Jamey kept apologizing for their rider which had shit like “deli tray” and “mini liquor bottles” on it. It was way awkward explaining to him that I couldn’t fulfill all the stuff on their rider because I was only 17 and couldn’t buy alcohol. Aaron from Death Threat was their roadie on that tour. I also couldn’t accompany them to Big Al’s after the show, haha. A few other bands tried to pull some rider shit on us later on and I learned to cross out everything but “water bottles” and fax it back with a big “let me know if you still want to play Peoria!!” in Sharpie. These were bands playing in 1999-2001, so come on. Nobody ever pulled out of a show due to an unfulfilled rider. Lesson learned: band riders are stupid.

Alright, explain the draw that dickhead band members have to feeling the need to converse with you and thus piss you off

Oh god…I’ve had some really annoying bands stay at my house(s) over the years. I guess I just fail to see why you would pick a fight with someone who is offering you food and a PLACE TO STAY!???! I think some people (who shall remain nameless) just don’t know when to shut the fuck up (myself included). And, of course, being female with a bunch of dudes staying over is/was always weird just because there’s still a lot of lame misogynists in hardcore unfortunately.

Let’s talk about Pugs.  Explain your fascination with the breed and attach a pic of your current pup if you have one

I always have a pup! I adopt senior rescue dogs because it hurts my bleeding liberal vegan heart to think about an old dog dying alone in a shelter. I’ve had to put two rescue dogs down already, but my current pug Murphy is doing very well. He was a breeder dog at a puppy mill (DON’T buy your puppies from pet stores!!!) and was going to be killed when he got too old. I’ve had pugs ever since I was 11 years old and I think they are the best, snuggliest little fuckers ever. I recommend adopting an adult or a senior pug to anyone who wants the company of a lazy, sleepy, happy animal.

Real talk, did the Sex and The City movie live up to your expectations?

Dude, no lie…I cried at the opening credits straight through to the end of that thing. Samantha talked, I cried. Carrie typed, I cried. Charlotte complained, I cried. The whole plotline with Jennifer Hudson was beyond dumb, but in general I loved that movie. And I was so angry at Steve for cheating on Miranda! Okay, there I go. I know they’re not real people. I swear.

The younger Amy was quite a brawler back in the day.  Have you had to fight any urges recently to knock a bitch out?

Hahaha, funny you say this. I recently had a screaming match with this guy who I’d been fighting on and off with for a month. We worked at an archaeology site together this summer and just butted heads over everything. He wrote a note about me anonymously and I happened to find it and went insane. I must be out of practice because all I could think of to do was to call him a “pussy” and “motherfucker” over and over. Then I threw my trowel in his general direction and stomped off. Later, the adult in me confronted him in a more calm and rational manner but I’m pretty sure everyone who witnessed this fight thinks I’m completely fucking nuts. Oh well!

Follow up, if the Aimee Mikel of 99′ – 2000 met the Aimee Mikel of today, what would she say?

Oh jesus…the 99-2000 Amy would definitely not understand why I’m still going to school. Also, I think the 99-2000 Amy would be disappointed in me for indulging in the pleasures of caffeinated beverages and cold medicine. What a hardline bitch.

Degrassi vs. 21 Jump Street.  Who wins?

Ok, I gotta give it to Degrassi. If only because I was convinced that was what high school was really gonna be like. Well, turns out a girl named Spike does NOT go to MHS. Those episodes stand the test of time, though. I am also very, very guilty of watching Degrassi the New Generation or whatever.

You’ve had quite a fascination with horror flicks.  Top 5 favorites.  Go.

……I can’t do this! I grew up watching horror movies with my dad who supplied me with a constant flow of 50s-80s horror. My dad has the largest collection of 1950s horror movies I’ve ever seen, as well as a pretty decent collection of 80s campy horror. I can pick favorites based on series/franchise or theme or decade, but I’ll do my top 5 horror films based on pure nostalgia:

1) Sleepaway Camp series (first three only) – I love these. LOVE. I made Matt Johnson watch the first Sleepaway Camp on our first date followed by The Devil Bat starring Bela Lugosi. I rented these movies on VHS from a video store in Pekin countless times when I was growing up. My sister and I would get the series and make popcorn and recite these lines by heart. ANGELLLLAAAAAAA!!!

2) American Gothic – This was another movie that my dad and sister and I would watch over and over. This movie has some genuinely creepy elements. A couple years ago, Matt and I went on a Roadside America road trip and found a hillbilly “amusement park” in the mountains of Tennessee. The place was basically abandoned and there was blood all over the bathroom floor. I remember there being a fucked up swing just like the one in this movie. That place ruled, this movie rules. Rent this and go to Arda Lee’s Hidden Hollow in Tennessee.

3) Fortress – I wish this was on DVD. I have a crappy VHS copy that I paid too much for on Amazon. This one is a classic revenge story, but far creepier than Last House on the Left or anything like that. Little kids rage out and kill people. This one traumatized me.

4) Candyman – Who wasn’t scared of Cabrini Green?! My dad would sometimes run into my room and scream “CANDYMAN!!” five times into my mirror when I was little. Haha, nothing like scaring your kids shitless to make them grow up faster. I still watch this movie on the regular.

5) Demonic Toys – I thought this was pure cinematic gold when I first saw it. Years later, my sister found the actual toys on Ebay for sale. We considered signing up for a credit card just so we could buy them and I kind of wish I would have done that. This movie is so stupid and fun and has tons of great lines.

Any good Matt Johnson freak outs lately other than his Converge/Burning Fight outburst that I should know about?

Hahaha, that was a pretty good one. The only one that comes to mind is from New Years Eve in the Quad Cities. We were out with the great Paul Hoeppner watching Seth’s cover band at some gross bar. Some middle-aged asshole came up to me and tried to lift up part of my dress to see my tattoos. I brushed him away and tried to ignore him and he drunkenly called me a bitch. Matt started screaming and gave him the double finger which made me start laughing. Drunk guy starts to take his shirt off and motion for Matt to come at him, though when Matt the Giant stood up the guy looked a bit upset. My friend Tom starts to yell, “Put your shit back on! Put it back on!” over and over while Matt is still going at this guy with the double finger. Pretty solid freak out, though I have to say his Converge rant was better. He also gets really upset about loud noises like a firetruck going by. If you ever want to piss Matt Johnson off, just get a loud bus to go by him like five or six times.

Any last words/final thoughts/shout outs?

Thanks, Matt! These questions made me laugh. I miss you, friend!

Interview Series #22

It’s been a while since I’ve posted one of these.  The following interview has been sitting in my email inbox since September.  Better make use of it.  The following interview was conducted with NateW.  Normally I would type up a little blurb about my history with said person but that was already covered with the Waster 7″ review I posted a while back.  I’d merely be repeating myself.  All I can say is Nate is a great dude and an even more solid friend.  His band, Black Teeth, needs to hurry up and play the west coast soon.  Ladies and gentlemen, Nate Dub……..

 Hey dude, what’s going on? How’s life going?

 It’s going really well. I’m living with my girlfriend Caroline andDrew Hutchison in Pekin still. I have a sick job screen printing and doinggraphic design stuff. I’m in a couple bands I’m really excited about.Things are going well I suppose.

So I heard you’re going to be doing records with Organized Crime Records. How did that come about?

Well we sent Clint that first 7″ we put out last year and sent himthis record as well. We’ve been playing shows with Harms Way, Convicted, etcfor some time and that probably helped as well. Clint is an awesome guy.Organized Crime Records is awesome and I’m excited to do future Waster releases with them.

What is your favorite Peoria show memory (either a show> you played or attended)

Fuck man… I don’t know. There’s been alot of gnarly things. One of the better times was a couple years ago the first time Few and the Proud playedPeoria was one of the best sets I’ve ever seen a band play in Peoria. Therewere 110 kids in a room like 15 feet wide by 25 feet long and it was hella sick.As far as sheer stupidity, probably when Tom Crawford got punched in the face during the last Declaim set and Beef got way mad at him for bleeding. WTF? CJ came back into town recently and it was cool talking to him again.

Describe the Cornerstone experience to those who are smart enough not to go.

Dude. I went this year because I was working for my grandparents. Cornerstone is probably the worst place on this planet. Basically it’s a gigantic Christian music (mostly metalcore) festival where a bunch of fuckheads from across the country come totalk about HOWWWW happy they are to be in the fellowship of fellow fuckheads.This year was alright, I got wild sick and got thrown out my 2nd day there for cursing.Some kids threw a water balloon filled with pee at us and we ran after them and tackledthem and the security dudes got all hot and bothered. I don’t know man, it sucks. It’s fun to get stupid girls who are mudsliding there to slide face first through human shit,though. 

Explain your fascination with the I-80 truck stop

Where else in the country can you buy a confederate flag katana, witty Jesus bumper stickers, an entire Walker Texas Ranger outfit, and attend a movie theater. Nowhere, thus making it the best place on Earth. Last time I was there was after the last Modern Life is War show.

What was the better band to experience in Peoria: Ted Nugent or 25 Ta Life?

Ted Nugent. Definitely. 25 Ta Life was just David O’Shea and janky fucking Erik mushmouthing and cartwheeling around. Worst. When I saw Ted Nugent it was life changing. I was 12 or 13 and I had recently drank with a friend of mine forthe first time. I went to go see Ted Nugent and Kiss on the Kiss Farewell tour and nestled my way up to the front during The Nuge to score an awesome view during Kiss. During Ted Nugent’s set he goes “HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE HIGH TONIGHT!!!!!???” and the crowd of 45 year old women and Caterpillar dads erupted. Then the Nuge really stuck it to them “FUCK THAT MAN. IM SO AND SO YEARS OLD AND IM DRUG FREE, IM HIGH ON LIFE!!!” then he shot a flaming arrow through his guitar. I knew then that I was never drinking or doing anything like that ever again. It is because of Ted Nugent that I am straightedge. Unfortunately Ted Nugent is a complte right-wing piece of shit. It’s unfortunate because the dude other than that is a total wild man.

So Fight Back: What was it like being in a band with supporters of the GOP?

Man. I don’t know. It was a highschool band, you know? I was just excited to play music with my friends. At my highschool Jake and Joe were the only other dudes who kind of liked good music. Jake, Joe, Kyle, and Zach are all really good people who I like alot. I’ve never agreed with their religious or political views and have always been confused as to how exactly a rational thinking person could consider themselves “conservative” or whatever.But yeah, I don’t really regret doing Fight Back or anything. It wasn’tgood or anything but whatever.

You used to rent out the Metamora Legion Hall. How many substances do you think the owner was on, honestly?

That one time that dude seemed super coked out or something. That was really the only time I ever met the guy. I was renting it out a couple weeks after that for this Faux Lament show and the guy just never showed up to open the place up.I broke into the place through the office window and we did the show totally guerilla style. On the way out I borrowed a keg of PBR and gave it to the touring band and we took like 4 24 packs of soda and a plate of brownies out of the kitchen. Haha. Fuck that place.

Favorite ISU Crew memory….GO!

There are literally too many. For some reason the first that came to mind was this really obscure one. John Marshall was having this dude named Tony fromWisconsin living with him. According to Marshall he was being just the worst fucking room mate ever. Anyway Kevin Rendleman, John, maybe some other people were in Marshall’s room and heard Tony banging some girl. Marshall kicked inTony’s door and we all ran in and were messing with them. It was pretty funny because we were all having fun and then I looked over and John was just repeatedly full force punching Tony in the face.

One time a bunch of us wentover to Andy Dag’s apartment and completely fucked the place up for some reason.Like Shitface headbutted like 5 holes in the wall, I shit on the floor, Turtle andI pissed all over the hall and then Marshall pulled the fire alarm and the cops showed up for no reason.Oh fuck, and one night Cody Feda, Carlos, Turtle, myself and my dude Kyle Walker were walking around and Kyle was on some bet with this dude that he couldn’t finish a 30 packor Milwaukee’s Best by himself. Cody had bought like 2 dozen eggs that we were throwing at people and Kyle was in rare form. For instance he kicked in this Paris Hilton wanna be’s headlight when she was driving by and almost got rolled by like 5 of these jock-bro types.  Then we go to some house party and have to leave early because Kyle was writing GG ALLIN in one of those jumbo magnum sharpies on the wall. Then on the way out Kyle tried fighting an old cabbie dude and we’re walking up to Watterson and this huge Avalanche truck comes to a screeching halt. 5 or so dudes that look like Goldberg or some shit pile out and start walking up on us all fast. They start yelling at us “WHO KICKED MY FUCKING TRUCK” yadda yadda yadda. One of the dudes started pushing Kyle and stuff and Turtle and I were just like, “SHIIITTTTTT.” Then some guy up in Watterson yelled out of his window at the dudes and we ducked out. We sent Kyle home because he was being fucking dumb and apparently on his way home he opened a manhole and jumped in. I don’t know if you’ve ever looked in those but it’s like a 10 foot drop. I guess he just passed out down in the sewers and woke up the morning smelling like shit without his wallet or some of his clothes.

If you had to do it again, would you microwave a turd on turtle’s dorm floor and stink up the entire place causing people getting off the elevator to dry heave?

Hahaha, YES. FUCK YES? Dude that was awesome. At the same time Turtle caved in his hallway mirror and some dude was lighting off fireworks in the bathroom sink. That was the same night that Matheny made out with the chunky girl and called Turtle’s room crying because he was lost. Also the same night that those fat chicks at that house party were walking up to Mac and I and were trying to be funny or something.Then later that girl was vomiting all over the couch and this wild nerdy dude came up and was making out with her like 10 seconds later. Fuck man… that place.

What band can you not stand right now?

I don’t know. If I don’t like something I try to not pay any attention to it andjust focus on the things I enjoy

 Be honest, what was it like tolerating my drunk self every other weekend?

Man, it was the best. I wouldn’t trade those times for anything. Dude, that one time when we had first met Cody and he was trying to pull your pants off and stuff. Oh man, best college ever.

What five records have been in regular rotation on your turntable

Black Sabbath – Paranoid

Tragedy – Nerve Damage

Earth – Pentastar

Cursed – III

Torche – S/T

What is your favorite curse word and why?

I don’t know. I try not to cuss. I do it way too much. I like to think I’m a relatively intelligent person and that I have a rather extensive vocabulary. I don’t want to say “fuck” because that’s everybody’s favorite. I guess I’ll choose “goddam” because it’s both offensive and creative

Who really flew the plane into the twin towers?

Joe Boland did it. I SEEN HIM DO IT

Any final thoughts/last words/shout outs

Black Teeth – 7in will be out in December or January. Look out for it. http://blackteeth.blogspot.com.Sell your soul for rock and roll.

Interview Series #21

The first time I met Peter Nelson was at a party over at my friend Josh’s apartment.  Peter came strolling into this party wearing a BOLD shirt.  I think I remember making some dickhead remark about them being terrible and Peter seemed very taken back that I even knew who they were in the first place.  It was pretty much love at first assholeish comment.  During his time at Western we were both pretty tight.  Much like Eddie, I felt Peter was one of the few dudes I really connected with while in college who was able to see a lot of the things in this world on the same level as myself.  He was the Siegfried to my Roy and while edge at the time, helped contribute to me making some very poor drunken decisions that are still hilarious in hind sight.

“Peter, I am going to toss this plate at the wall….”

“Dude, why wouldn’t you?”

That was essentially our relationship in a nutshell.  He was a man that suited every awkward occasion you were in with his hilarious commentary.  A partner in crime and a person a miss very dearly…ladies and gentlemen, Peter Nelson…..

PETER! How’s it going my friend? How’s life?

It’s been going pretty well good sir, I’ve been biking a lot lately and eating well. Though school is thoroughly owning me at the moment, and has been for the past 3 weeks. Paper, papers, papers.

So you were in nazi germany for quite some time studying abroad. Talk about your experience over there and some of the more memorable moments.

First of all, it’s the Federal Republic of Germany, jerkoff.

Germany was fucking sweet. I got to experience the laid-back, liberal, progressive European lifestyle as a student. I also got to experience what it’s like to be a foreigner and how significant the language barrier can be (and that’s with years of German under my belt).

Some more memorable moments were having a few pints in a couple of rad pubs with my buddy Mr. Kevin T. Garvey in London, listening to the Wedding Present, Oasis, Morrissey and the Smiths while wandering around Chelsea in London, visiting and staying with a friend of mine in Vienna and experiencing the super laid-back Austrian way of life and their hilarious dialect first hand, visited Berlin twice, and on several occasions riding a night bus back to my dorm in the city I studied in with too much Russian beer in my system and singing some Bruce Springsteen tunes while various German youths gave me puzzled looks.

Europe was amazing.

Let’s talk about a love of yours, Volkswagons. A multiple part question.
How did your love from this brand come about? How do you feel the models
and quality of the cars they’ve come out with recently and if you had to
construct your “dream V-Dub” what would it be….and I want specifics, like
blantant gear-head talk I wouldn’t and won’t understand.

Alright, time to set the record straight.

A few years back, when I was in the market for a cheap, reliable, stick-shift, fun subcompact that I could wrench on, mod and race, I was looking at Mazdas, Hondas, Nissans and VWs. I came across vwvortex.com, one of the greatest messageboards ever created, looked at the older generation Golf/Jettas, took an interest in the 2nd generation (the mark 2 generation) because it fit the bill was was well known for it’s torquey engines and handling characteristics, and found/bought a prime example of one from a dude in Wheaton a few weeks later for $1000. I’ve been in love ever since.  The current generation Golf/Jetta, the 5th generation, had a few problems from the get-go such as electrical and suspension problems, and they were underpowered. However they cleared that up in 2007 and bumped up the horsepower/torque and haven’t read about any problems since.  The current GTI (and the new GTI that’ll be in the States in a year or two) on the other hand are complete masterpieces and are total throwbacks to the original GTI in terms of pep, suspension, versatility and economy.  My dream VW? Fuck, well one has quite the laundry list of modification, but here we go.

1989 VW Jetta Coupe, silver, small bumpers

-2.0 liter 16-valve with port/polish, 13:1 compression, ABA block swap, Independent throttle bodies, 034 standalone engine management, knife-edge crank, balanced and blue-printed, 289 race cams (maybe solid lifter, if possible with a 16v), stiff motor mounts
-modded to mid-engine, RWD
-Peloquin sequential gearbox with a limited slip differential ($10,000+ alone)
-Bilstein Gruppe 2 shocks with Ground Control 600/700 coilovers
-polyurethane bushing all around
-carbon fibre hood
-high flow exhaust
-techtonics race header
-16×8 BBS 3-piece wheels
-17×8 OZ Ultraleggeras
-some kind of wide, sticky DOT-legal tire
-plexi-glass
-full roll-cage
-harnesses
-Recaro carbon fibre race seats
-13 inch 2-piece drilled/slotted carbon brakes with Hawk black race pads up front
-stripped interior
-no AC, PS, or ABS

purpose: destroy Evos, STIs, Lotuses, Audi R8s, and possibly even Lambos and Ferraris around the track with naturally aspirated (non-turbo/supercharger) power.

Hats off to you if you understand half of the mods listed.

No, I do not work for VW.

Your father worked for the city of Chicago for quite some time. Talk about
some of the more sketchy political stories that your father told you.

Wow, I’m surprised you remember this.  He actually worked for the toll way, and I believe it was a job in-between semesters at ISU many years ago.  What his job mostly consisted of was the typical toll way worker; stand around with 3 other dudes while another takes 5 hours to fill in a pothole.

Well, there was another part of his job. He was required to put in a certain amount of political work each month for one of the candidates running for election at the time, he can?t remember which one (surprisingly). So what he would do is get together with another coworker and paint campaign signs in some ones garage once or twice a month. If he didn’t do this he would be fired. Pretty interesting stuff.

When will the rest of the world realize that U2’s “Joshua Tree” is one of the greatest albums ever?

When they realize that BONO IS NOT ALL OF U2! Fucking Christ, I talk about this with my buddy Tim all the time, we hate defending U2 because of Bono. Yes, Bono is a dipshit but the Edge is a genius, their early stuff is fucking brilliant, Brian Eno produced most of their stuff, and Bono might?ve used to be cool. The Joshua Tree is so good, the song progression, lyrics and guitar riffs smoke.

Discuss the time you went to a party at Western and thought it would be a good idea to drink 8 energy drinks?

It was actually 3 bottles of Vault, taken down pretty fast. It was pretty sweet besides making lakes in Geoffs driveway every 10 minutes, having to drink a bunch of water in-between bottles to avoid going into a diabetic coma, having an irregular heartbeat at the end of the night, having a cold sweat, and not being able to sleep. It’s amazing what a ton of high-fructose corn syrup and caffeine can do to someone. Party hard.

What WIU memory do you have that sticks out the most?

I’d say that night that began with you and Eddie drunkenly picking me up and going over to Kevin’s. After a while you started to cuddle with and fondle a vacuum cleaner, and when you got your fill of it, you decided to take a blanket and form it into a babushka like some kind of old retarded Russian woman. You then picked up a Louisville slugger and started bashing a bunch of bottles and cans out on his porch while mumbling Christmas carols.  I later on recommended that you pick up a conveniently placed box of drywall tacks and throw them in the street, you did, but I cleaned them up a little later for fear that it would haunt us later. A cop drove by a few minutes later.  Later on Jaron and you went down to the basement and began smashing previous renters belongings with a frying pan and frequently stopping to urinate on it (myself and my uninhibited intuition as well). You later threw the frying pan through the window, bringing an end such a cockamamie affair.

Okay, Morrissey’s solo catalogue or The Smith’s catalogue: Who wins?

Fuck, that’s tough, I guess I?d have to say Morrisseys solo work because I’m more familiar with it. But really, I should listen to the Smiths more often.

Mark My Words: Chicago Straight Edge. Please plea to me why my hardline ass shouldn’t curb stomp you and your yiddish bass player

LOL.  Why am I no longer edge? I decided after LOTS of thought, that I couldn’t see myself being edge for the REST OF MY LIFE. This was late Sophmore year. I figured I would de-claim and step out gracefully. I’ve gotten plenty of shit, like, “why didn’t you just break?!?” and “it’s all the same you dumb motherfucker”, mainly from Diego and Joey (they kicked me out of Brainwashed for being too slow and de-claiming btw? LOL), but I think it was the right choice. I definitely discussed it with friends beforehand, Mr. Straggler P. Vandenbroucke approved the way I went about it, and ended up experimenting with alcohol shortly before I left for Germany, Spring semester of Junior year. While discussing how alcohol affected me, Mr. Karl G. Schuster (scientist/philosopher/Dekalbian) noted that I  don’t want to go to Germany with sea legs.   Goddamn that dude rules so hard, I gotta party with him sometime soon.  Anyway, I haven’t changed, and beer and gin are delicious.  As far as Brent, no comment.

Room mosh: Yay or Nay?

YAY all the way!

Who was the dumbest person you ever encountered at Western?

That’s tough.  Wait no it’s not, Matt Marcotte! What a shitty dude!

What is the sketchier album to have in one’s record collection:  Skrewdriver’s “All Skrewed Up” or One Life Crew’s “Crime Ridden Society”

I would figure “All Skrewed Up”, because to me it implies that you’re a racist piece of shit. It’s one thing to have a few of their tracks for comedic value, but to have the actual vinyl, no dice.  I have no idea what One Life Crew sounds like or what they’re about, I’ve just always been told they suck and have pursued listening to other bands.

So you and a few of your friends started “Das Fun Haus”.  Explain what it is, how it came about and some of the more memorable shows there so far.

Das Fun Haus is a show/party venue on Vernon Ave. and Annoying-as-Fuck Train Rd. that I lived at last Fall Semester, my Junior year.  It all started Sophmore year when we wanted to get a house after our dorm-stint and be able to put on shows and parties whenever we wanted to. I really must give most of the credit to Joey and Brent, because they were the ones who got on the ball about finding a place and dealing with the landlord. We needed a 4th roommate, so Joey contacted his coworker and then-acquaintance Mr. Tim! Crisp, and he gladly signed.

When we were all moved in we went over roommate shit, and Joey was the one to begin getting on the horn and getting bands to put on shows. Tim also started putting on shows, but mainly of the alt-country genre. I never really had much to do with putting on shows, other than taking money, referring 1 or 2 bands to Tim, and generally keeping an eye out/cleaning up after shows/parties.  Good times were had, our basement and house were broken in properly, and the landlord never suspected a thing.  One particular show that I remember quite well was the Cross Exam/Infinite Missiles show. Those dudes love beer/partying. Despite the one dude in Infinite Missiles being a total piece of shit, I still enjoyed their tight set and response they got (and put in my two cents during their covers). Cross Exam was, yeah, fucking phenomenal. I didn’t stay down there for long due to soreness and fatigue, but man were they a sight to see; I didn’t know such insanity could happen in such a small space.  There are more memorable moments, but that’ll do.

Sidenote: I plan to put on a show at the Kitchen (current residence) in the next 1.5 months and possibly early Spring semester, then we’ll see how it goes after that. Check out the Chicago band Angel Eyes on myspace, they’re interested. Joey swears that they’re broken up, he’s off his fucking rocker. In fact he’s so off his rocker that I’m cancelling our vacation to Palm Springs.

Any last words/final thoughts/shout outs?

Peter Gabriel rules, god does not exist, Sam Adams Octoberfest is fucking delicious, and I?d like to send a shout out to Timiah Fanning and his family, and their adorable dog  Tegan.

Interview Series #20

My first encounter with Brandon “Blood” Davis was pretty hilarious to say the least.  I was introduced to him by my good friend John Marshall at a show in Pekin, Illinois.  We ended up sneaking behind an elementary school, drinking Miller High Life’s and shooting the shit.  He was on tour at the time roadie-ing for a band whose name I will not mention on this blog but I still won’t hold that against him.  He is the friend you’ve always wanted to have.  The times I do not see this kid sporting a smile are a fucking rareity and the kid has more hilarious stories to share than most people will ever have in their lifetime.  I received a phone call this afternoon from Brandon wanting to hang out this weekend being as how he is officially moving into San Jose on friday.  I cannot wait.  Ladies and gentlemen, Brandon Davis….

Hey man, how the hell are you.  It’s been a while, how’s life?

I’d have to admit life is swell; laying on my bed, belly full of falafel, listening to Kool Keith. Beside me is an unpacked suitcase that I’ve had the pleasure of living out of over the past few months. Now that I’m home in Wildwood I’ve just been marinating on some west coast job offers to dodge the frigid midwest winter.  I’m counting my blessings.

You’ve been a bit of a road dog as of late doing merch duties for 2*Sweet and more recently with Veil of Maya.  How does one handle being gone months at a time and what were some of the highlights from both tours with you?

When I was in 8th grade Jon Hunt (Dead To Fall) would kidnap me and take me on a few dates of tour at a time, training me to be a little road warrior.  Overtime, I learned that the trick to surviving tour is attempting to maintain a campers mindset.  My bed is a sleeping bag, I roast veggie dogs on mini George Foremans, I urinate upon objects other than toilets, and material possessions are for the most part unobtainable.  I’m okay with all of this.

I have to confess that even though I lost money on the 2*Sweet tour, I had a better time in comparison.  My memories with 2*Sweet were a bit more genuine and adventurous than with Veil of Maya.  I’m just going to summarize with snippets from my blog.

2*Sweet:

“We decided to celebrate our journey into Disneyville, Florida by blasting Disney jams while Dave Cronin and Dan got nude and sang along. Dave proceeded to do penis tricks. Shit got real when penis foolery turned into pleasurable masturbation. If your response to that was of the “ohhh” effect… picture a similar look on his face as he came in front of the van audience.”

“With a few pointers from Florida natives we found ourselves at the beautiful St. Petersburg Beach on the Gulf of Mexico. All of the power in St. Petersburg was kaput, and we found ourselves with the sound of fresh crashing waves.  The beach had an convenient set of wooden recliner chairs to sprawl out on.

To celebrate everyone in 2Sweet and I stripped naked and galloped, moshed, and primal chanted in a circle around The Appreciation Post while repeatedly chanting “Jo-si-mo!” before freedom running along the shore;…they were surrounded and speechless. I jumped in. A few of us smoked weed and we all just set back on our recliners to enjoy the warm, Florida ocean breeze and clear sky.

I awoke in the morning to a beefed up cabana boy pushing on the back of my chair demanding me to get off them. I mumbled back half coherently and sat up to comprehend what was going on. The guy was pissed that we stole some mats from his “mat stack” and threatened for us to leave before we “would be in a world of regret” or some lame words like that. Justin and I were the only ones left asleep on the beach, but there were surely a large handful of tourists around us. Talk about feeling like a bum.”
Veil of Maya:

(I have to dedicate this this section to Higler who kept me sane through this real life Metalocolypse)

“Higler wins again…. after hardly being able to stand I led him back into the van where he called everyone faggots for an hour, threatened to quit the band, and then passed out…. only to later wake attempting for a good 5 mins to light a cigarette but instead lighting a lighter with a lighter in his mouth.”

“After a strange evening (on acid) we agreed upon rest and in the process decided to combat the band White Chapel and their 10,000 something plays with a new band called The Church of Negro’s. Lord Snackrafice (formerly know as Higler)sent one of his many ignored text to owner of Sumerian Records at 4am stating that Veil of Maya is no longer and that The Church of Negro’s will be headlining a world tour with supporting acts: R. Kelly, Prince, and White Chapel (opening of course). We have yet to hear reply and will be talking to Jay-Z shortly if the lack of communication persists.”

“Higler is casually informing me that he plans on finishing the four bratwurst in the fridge. An hour ago we saw an urgent news report explaining that the exact brand and kind of sausage has been the cause of 4 recent deaths from Lysteria. “I had fun with my life” he stated.

Higler has been diligently planning to bangbus this buffalo for the past handful of months. She was going to rondevu at Metal Mother’s after the show to scoop Glur back to her apartment for seconds of hot sex. Higler became inebriated past responsible decision making at the show and I convinced him to congest my sack of fungi’s and not tell her when she arrived. He devoured the fungi’s and remained confident in his plan. He was confident when he could not speak more than 5 words without slurring and he was confident when she didn’t text him back for a solid hour or so. I bet Glur 5 dollars that he had been ditched. It took until 5 mins ago for him to admit his defeat as he inspected his phone to pinpoint where he blew it.

You ran Jkid booking for a while and put on the infamous Jkid Fest back in 03′.  What were some of the hilarious moments to come from that fest, more specifically the infamous Good Clean Fun getting pelted with doughnuts and eggs.  That ruled.  Fuck that band.

I’m not sure that I had the ability to find anything comical at JKidFest…

This is the situation: the fest sells out before it starts at 680, no presale, people turned away from Carolina/Colorado/ect, the second I inform everyone Andrew Morrissey is racing by me with his head split open gushing blood, Good Clean Fun arrives a minute later making ridiculous demands, FSU wants to fight me (not the case now), and I find out someone ate my falafel. Fuck.

Really, the most memorable highlights of JKidFest can be summed up in a half hour of behind the scenes police brutality.  During DTF’s set I had to warn some kid a number of times to quit drinking behind the venue for the sake of not being shut down.  He believed it was his right, called me a faggot and was almost beat up by 6 guys other than me before sirens came flashing down the alley.  The police forced 7 of my friends against the police car, along with this kid.  The police told us to face the hood and not dare look at their faces while forcefully kicking all of our legs apart and ripping the hood off of my head calling me “Dawsons Creek”.  He told me to reach into my pocket and empty them and as I did, he ripped them out and told me that he did not instruct me to do so.  I told him to calm down and he hit me over the head with his walkie talkie for not saying “sir”.  Chris Morrissey was forced to eat his eighth of dank with a flashlight shoved in his face and the ultimatum of “going uptown” if he couldn’t finish.

After taking some real verbal abuse and explaining the original problem to the police they instructed everyone except for the kid to go and as we all timidly backed off the police car this punk ran inside the fully packed venue, drunk and underage.  The police shouted “get that kid or something something” and we chased after him into the sea of people, grabbed him, punched him in the face, and threw him to the cop.  The cop proceeded to slam his head into the thick, steel, security door corner and throw him to the gravel.  I peeked out of the door, wedged by a 2×4 and he was being kicked repeatedly.  The cop saw I was watching and kicked the wood out while yelling “if anyone comes out this back door for the rest of the night, this will be you”.  They dumped his alcohol on him and dropped him off somewhere.  Meanwhile Chris Morrisey is claiming to see nothing but light streaks.  I told Jon to announce for no one to go in the alley and he says something along the lines of “Umm… well, I guess no one should go in the alley because the Chicago police will probably beat you up”.
You’ve always had close ties with the Chicago scene but also the Milwaukee scene as well during the hay days of 7a7p and more importantly endthisday.  What are your thoughts looking back on that era of music and what those bands accomplished and how overlooked it went.  Better yet, let’s also discuss how years later hair/mall metalcore bands still can’t touch “Sleeping Beneath The Ashes of Creation”

Jeez, I truly miss being able to see all of those bands in a musky, asbestos sprinkled basement, with giant furnace obstructing my view. For real though, those were somehow the best shows I’ve ever been to.  I had the privilege of watching an awkward Mat Matera of 7a7p in 100% seriousness, converse with his amp and cry to it for an hour straight.  I’m baffled at how they couldn’t pack a basement but 3 years following their break up could sell out a 450 cap venue, two days in a row.  As for End This Day, they annoyed the hell out of my Milwaukee show experiences.  Those dudes would jerk each other off, urinate into their own mouths, and make sure no one but themselves were having a good time.  Looking back, I think it’s hilarious.  I’m sure everyone will hate but I have to confess to enjoying Coma Eternal more.

You are doing some booking work with Shane from The Killer.  Explain that…..

Working with Shane was one of the most ironic and incredible experiences .  I did a three week internship at a Christian festival company that he runs called Concert Services Inc.  In the Chicago office we pretty much listened to Full Blown Chaos, Jazz Fusion, and satanic death metal bands.  The owner of the company is a millionaire coke head, who hardly attends his own fest or even knows what is going on.  During the second week we drove out to Willmar, MN to put on a 20,000 person Christian music festival where we shot airsoft guns, made fun of people, rode go karts, and constantly drank on the company dollar.  Somehow, I lucked out and was the only one to receive a suite; complete with a hot tub lounge, two big televisions, two sinks, a couch, and ect.  Every night I got dumb drunk and doubled my chances of alcohol poisoning by thinning my blood in the hot tub. Buchers birthday was on the final night and we accrued the most random group of people to attend “Vomit Fest”.  We promoted Vomit Fest for two days, and with many revolting stares and declined invitations we acquired a small handful of the most random troopers.  Just imagine us, the guy from “Cool Faith Merch”, Concert Services Inc. aid (comparable to Dwight from The Office but more nerdy and always cautious), the hotel manager, The Newsboys merch guy (accompanied by a happily married bimbo), a dude named Elvis, Shanes wife, and Shanes sister in law.  In the suite, we all played beer pong, gambled, and drank to the point of gromlets…. well I did.  I disappeared to the pool room and made gromlets.  It was one of the least Christian experiences I’ve had.  Shane really is a good boss though.

Please discuss your most memorable moment in the chaos years of ISU

Well, most of the stories have been regurgitated a million times so I’ll try to dig into some of my most enjoyed snippets of the first Dude House days.

One of my favorite moments was followed by the unplanned and unspoken 40 ounces and Wu Tang on the stoop.  We are all slothing out and enjoying ourselves on the stoop when all of the sudden Modern Life is War comes on. Somehow an energy came over each of us in unison.  My ex was the gentle girl next door type and to my surprise I glanced over in the fury to find her ripping the couch apart with me.  It was in all of us, to rip apart that couch, piece by piece and hang it in the maple tree out front.  So satisfying.

A few moments later Stix and Foojah are wrestling in the dirt and glass for some reason and decided that it would be a good idea for Stix to pee in Foojah’s cupped dirt hands.  Stix fills his hands with urine and Foojah pulls the unexpected slap to Stix’s face leaving a urine mud mark.

One hazy evening, Metal Bill decided that he couldn’t be rightfully claim a name such as Metal Bill unless he smoked weed.  Little did we know how much anxiety would take over Bill after multiple bong rips to the face.  We traveled back to the orig. Dude House where I discovered they had turned the majority of their living room into a fort of mattresses.  My ex, Bill, and I sat in the fort and he quickly began to become super wide eyed, tweaking out of his mind. I’m pretty positive Bill thought he was in a war bunker of sorts and was having war flashbacks.  In fact he said something vague of the sorts.  I wish I could remember the things he was saying but either way, he was still convinced that he needed to smoke weed to be named Metal Bill.

You are now a single man.  What are the qualities that will make up the future “Mrs. Blood” other than a love for hate riffs?

Pregnant.  Ever since I saw Juno I’ve been in love with pregnant teens.

Top five records of 2008 Go!

This question is difficult because I don’t normally keep up with new albums, I just continue to discover older stuff that I love.  And as for the bands that I follow, most of them released in 07 so I’m anticipating 09.  Anyway, some of the recent releases I enjoy are…

R. Kelly- Double Up

Mouth of the Architect- Quietly

Bon Iver- For Emma Forever Ago

Crime in Stereo- Is Dead

2*Sweet- Sleep Without Dreams

Discuss the movie-esque moments you have had one with Bobby Brown and one Ron Sway

The first time that Bob visited my incredibly politically correct, liberal arts school, was when I convinced my brothers friends to throw a show party for the band 1908.  These guys begged me to bring my band out to play or just hang and I continued to decline telling them that they were too much of a handful.  After much convincing and telling me that they need some crazy on campus, I finally invited Bob just a small sample of my friends and they were in for a treat.  Before the show my brothers friends requested that I bring over a huge stack of paper towels and many stolen rolls of toilet paper for their bathroom… it was the least I could do for allowing me to have the show at their house.  Keep in mind that the Beloit College student body is an incredibly sheltered and wealthy bunch.

Anyway, Bob rolls up with his cousin, and Ashraf (old DTF road dog) just in time for 1908 to start.  I turn around and just as they begin, Bob is climbing onto the rickety ole living room bar top.  Everyone is staring at him as he continues to remove his clothes and perch for his next surprise.  1908 goes into the next song and Bob leaps onto the already disgusted kids who are demanding that he put his clothes back on.  1908 is loving the good ole familiar Lake County madness but the crowd is outraged.  Bob discovers the stack of toilet paper and paper towels beside him and begins to unravel every single piece into the crowd.  I joined him of course and the girl beside me turns to say in disgust “this is my friends house, what the fuck?” I retort “yeah I put the show on… settle down… they are my friends too”.  Bob continues to launch himself onto the crowd blanketed in tissue paper until the show is over.  He can tell that not a single person in the house besides us enjoyed his antics.  Somehow he discovers a megaphone and walks through the party proclaiming that everyone is a “liberal hippy faggot” just to get under their skin.  My ex and I sweep the room and throw it into a recycling bin in the living room.  This is when Bob gets the great idea to pee into their recycling bin like some sort of naked super hero while yelling “I’M TAKING OUT THE TRASHHHH!”.

This is when one of the house residents becomes furious and calls Bob over to have a few unfriendly words.  Before he could say much, I took responsibility and told him to leave Bob alone and that it would be cleaned.  I was cut off by him talking to me like I’m a kid and before I could retort Ash stepped up and told him that he couldn’t talk to me like that.  The kid picked up his cell phone and began to call friends to come fight us, even though the house was packed full of people that hated our existence.  Ash said something along the lines of “we all have friends, how about you hang up the phone and we go outside so I can smash your face into the concrete?”  He responded scared as shit “Could you guys just leave my house?” We went back to my dorm and 1908 took over the communal lounge with sleeping bags and ect.  I put on Guitar Hero and went to bed.  At about 4 am I woke to check on the band… they were all asleep in the lounge but Bob was naked jumping around on the couches to Guitar Hero entertaining only himself.  Up until the time I graduated, people spoke about the legend of Naked Bob, unknowing that he was a friend of mine.

As for Kasper… he is a bit too lazy for adventure.  The great times with him come in spurts of energy and then a huffing and puffing to catch his breath.  The first time we took him on tour we hardly knew him.  The promoter for the show brought us two hotel rooms for some reason and Kasper got nude except for a tiny towel tucked under his belly to drape over his little wiener and ran through the hotel.  It’s really not half as hilarious unless you’ve seen Kasper.  Undo Tomorrow gave him a whooping to his bare and  pimply backside before he put his clothes back on.

The ‘movie esque’ tip, reminds me  of when he went to a friends wedding in the middle of nowhere and convinced everyone in the local bars and clubs that his name was Jeremy Jeremy, nephew of Ron Jeremy.  He drank for free and paid no admission all night.

Most of my favorite stories of Kasper involve food and have already been told on the Peoria Board.  I’m unsure that anything will top his 3 som with Higler.
Finish this sentence, “If there’s one thing I can’t stand its….”

Wet socks

Liquor or beer:  who wins?

Beer does not provoke me to come dangerously close to wrestling John Foojah through a window, yell “what’s it about?” for an hour straight on a kitchen counter, gromlet on touring bands vans, and wake up in a room blanketed with towels asking who the sucker that vomited is….in one 12 hour span.

What is the status on Carnivale.  Is it done or is there anything we can expect in the near future?

I’m never quite certain what is going on.  I will say that we are writing and starting to experiment with a ton of different ideas.  We have more than a full sets worth of new material but aren’t satisfied. The entire album has been written lyrically and as soon as we are confident with the style Brian (guitarist) will begin to write guitars to the lyrics. I won’t talk too much about the idea but it is an accumulation of our lives that climaxes at a present point, 12/23/06, when our good friend Kevin passed.  More than anything, the album will be a gift to ourselves.

Brian, Bob, and I are talking about relocating to the west coast and snapping off in our own house with a room full of random instruments. I have a job offer in San Jose and possible Seattle, I made Bob shake on coming with me. The real truth is, we really just want to be closer to Matt Attack.

Scenario time:  You are at a party and end up getting wasted.  You wake up the next morning naked lying next to another naked man who is in a rock band called Devil’s Pie.  Who is the mystery man and what is the conversation that follows?

I would hope to wake beside a warm, soft and cuddly Joe Boland.  We would talk our soft spoken, drunken gibberish.

Joe: Jerba-roo-roo

Me: Sturro-cun-rod Fleeeeep
Any last words/final thoughts/shout outs?

Shout out to Matt for constructing such thought provoking interviews.  These things kept me incredibly entertained on tour.  Also, thanks to everyone who occupied a Dude House for allowing me to ravage it along with you.  Love to my soul mate Stix, and Turtle…my brother from another mother.  My apologies if the responses were too long. Now, PUT EM UP FAYGOTS… BANG EM!

Some bands just did it better….

You are dearly missed.  RIP.